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    Chuck Norris Facts

    Hot 1 year ago

    1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
    2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
    3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
    4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
    5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
    6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
    7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
    8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
    9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
    10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are more...

    Snail's Pace

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man hears a knock at his door, opens it but doesn't see anyone.
    He glances down, sees a snail there and being the conscientious gardener he is, tosses the snail across the road, into a field, away from his property.
    Ten years go by, and one day the man hears a knock at the door, but once again, doesn't find anyone there when he answers.
    He looks down, sees a snail there.
    The snail looks up at him, and in a tiny voice demands, - "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

    A guy was sitting in a bar when a strangerwalked up to him and asked, "If you woke upin the woods and scratched your buttand felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?""Hell no!" the guy said.The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into yourcrack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"The man said, "Of course not.""Wanna go camping?"

    One cannot achieve succeess with every film. Audiences can
    be unpredictable. The failure could be due to a bad script
    or characterisation. All this is a part of the learning process.

    - Amitabh Bachchan (Actor, Producer)


    I refuse to be a doormat to any man. I will never allow
    anyone to push me around. I am my own mistress.
    - Manisha Koirala (Actress)



    Why should I try to imitate Kajol? I am not a
    mimicry artist.
    - Rani Mukherjee (Actress)


    It's strange that Rakesh Roshan thinks I look older than Hrithik.
    In fact, he's approached me for all his home productions.
    - Aishwarya Rai (Actress)


    Just because I'm an actress, why should anyone dare to
    assume that I have no morals?
    - Preity Zinta (Actress)


    I still have a long way to go. People will realise the difference
    between Shah Rukh Khan and a one-movie-wonder like me.
    - Hrithik more...

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt. 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with. 6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again. 7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files. 9. Use Interactive more...

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