Wait Jokes

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    Flood Shmud

    Hot 10 months ago

    It was flooding in California. As the flood waters were rising, a man was on the stoop of his house and another man in a row boat came by. The man in the row boat told the man on the stoop to get in and he'd save him. The man on the stoop said, no, he had faith in God and would wait for God to save him. The flood waters kept rising and the man had to go to the second floor of his house. A man in a motor boat came by and told the man in the house to get in because he had come to rescue him. The man in the house said no thank you. He had perfect faith in God and would wait for God to save him. The flood waters kept rising. Pretty soon they were up to the man's roof and he got out on the roof. A helicopter then came by, lowered a rope and the pilot shouted down in the man in the house to climb up the rope because the helicopeter had come to rescue him. The man in the house wouldn't get in. He told the pilot that he had faith in God and would wait for God to rescue him. The flood waters more...

    A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
    The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
    Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true. Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
    The Lawyer said, "Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
    Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back to affirm that it was true.
    Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
    Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

    Batcave

    Hot 6 years ago

    Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.
    One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."
    "We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
    The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave. When he returns, he is covered with blood.
    The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
    The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
    "Yes," the other bat answers.
    "Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

    Wait A Minute

    Hot 5 years ago

    An old fraternity brother told us about a gag an undergrad girlfriend of his pulled off last semester: She disguised herself as a boy, joined TKE and the authorities never found out about it.
    "Wait a minute," we objected. "If this girl joined a fraternity, she would have had to dress with the guys and shower with them."
    "Sure."
    "Well then, someone must have discovered she was a girl!"
    "Probably," said our friend, downing his drink. "But who'd tell?"

    Mad Martin

    Hot 4 years ago

    Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and
    tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West. (This was in the
    days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
    tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West
    means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
    earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)
    So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at
    the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
    tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up
    fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he
    (Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing: "If you
    ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town, just save
    what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of
    town as fast as you can."
    Fred was pretty perplexed more...

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