Candy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    At The Candy Store

    Hot 7 months ago

    Three guys enter a candy store. The first guy approaches the clerk and asks for 10 cents worth of jellybeans.
    Since the jellybeans are on the top shelf, the clerk goes into another room, brings out a ladder, gets the jellybeans down, takes out 10 cents worth, puts the jellybeans back on the top shelf, and puts the ladder away.
    Then, he goes to the second guy and asks what he wants. He, too, wants 10 cents worth of jellybeans.
    So, the clerk goes into the other room, brings out the ladder, gets the jellybeans down and takes out 10 cents worth. Before putting them back up on the top shelf, he turns to the third guy and asks, "Do you want 10 cents worth of jellybeans?"
    "No, thank you," he replies.
    Hearing that, the clerk puts the jellybeans back up on the top shelf and puts the ladder away.
    He returns to the third guy and asks, "So, what would you like?"
    "I'd like 5 cents worth of jellybeans!" he replies.

    A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long." He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out." The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this ch eck out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and more...

    'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
    were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
    Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
    in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
    While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps
    had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
    When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
    I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
    Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
    tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
    The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
    sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
    When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
    a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
    That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
    I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
    The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer
    I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
    On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
    a Weight Watcher dropout more...

    Boy 1

    Hot 4 months ago

    Boy 1: "How did you get that bruise on your arm?" Boy 2: "I ate some Easter candy." Boy 1: "Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise." Boy 2: "It will if it's your big brother's candy!"

    Me sir, speeding never!

    Hot 2 years ago

    A policeman was sitting on the hard shoulder watching the traffic go by when a car zoomed past him doing at least 120 mph!
    The policeman chased him down, and pulled the car over. He went up to the car and asked, "Do you know that you were doing at least 50 mph over the speed limit?"
    The driver replied, "Was I officer, I'm terribly sorry but I wasn't aware of that."
    The policeman said, "May I see your drivers license please?"
    The man replied, "I don't have one officer."
    "Of course you do," said the policeman.
    "No sir, I don't," said the man.
    "So why do you have this car?" asked the policeman.
    "This is not my car, I stole it," said the man.
    "You are driving a stolen car?" said the policeman.
    "Yes I'm afraid so sir,"
    Looking puzzled the policeman said, "Let me see the registration, so we can find out who it belongs to."
    The man more...

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