Chocolate Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    You Know You Are Filipino

    Hot 11 months ago

    you have a 'barrel man' in your house, you may be filipino...(you know.. the wooden man... when you lift up the barrel----schwing!!!) you wash your clothes by hand, you might be Filipino. you use walis tambo and walis ting-ting, you just might be Filipino. you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room, you're a Filipino. you have a very good sense of maniana habit, you might be Filipino. you smoke in your house you put up your knee while eating you eat kanin and ulam using your hand you are pakialamero you say Sugarol, babaero at tumador you are chismosa you say Comfort Room instead of Restroom. you say For Take Out instead of to go. you point w/ your lips, then you might be a Filipino. you say open or close the lights, then you might be a Filipino. you nod upwards to greet someone, you might be a Filipino. your nickname is 'boy', you might be a Filipino. you ask for a Colgate instead of toothpaste, you might be a Filipino. you say 'Canteen' instead of cafeteria, then you more...

    Twelve Days of Fast Food

    Hot 11 months ago

    On the first day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: A Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the second day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the third day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the fourth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the fifth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the sixth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the seventh day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, more...

    Spell Ice Cream

    Hot 11 months ago

    This little old lady walks into an ice cream parlor and asks for 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream. The man behind the counter says 'I'm sorry, we are all out of chocolate ice cream'.The lady says 'OK, I'll take one scoop of chocolate ice cream in a cup.'The man says 'Ma-am, we are all out of chocolate'.The little old lady says 'OK, then I'll have a single scoop of chocolate in a cone'.The man, a little more irritated this time says 'Ok, lady. Spell van as in vanilla'.The lady says V A NThe man says, 'OK, spell straw as in strawberry'.The lady says S T R A W.The man says, 'OK, now spell fuck as in chocolate'.The lady says there ain't no fuck in chocolate.The man says, 'Lady, that's what I've been trying to tell you all along!

    Parnethood Preparation

    Hot 6 years ago

    Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father. 1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, takeout 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell thepharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up thepaper. Read it for the last time. 2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack ofpatience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve theirchild's sleeping habits, more...

    Bits of information to help you through the day:
    If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
    A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!)
    Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!)
    Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And, why isn't the pig included here?)
    The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm... )
    The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did the gov't pay for this research??)
    Polar bears are left handed. (I'm sure glad somebody found that out!)
    A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death. ( So my ex-husband WAS a cockroach after all!)
    The male more...

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