Chip Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    U.S. Lawmaker Says He Is Worried About E-Mail Pregnancy
    Citing the case of a woman who claims she got pregnant from e-mail,
    an Ohio Democrat called Wednesday for a "chastity chip" for the
    Internet. Rep. James Traficant, known for his flamboyant rhetoric,
    gave a brief floor speech about a woman named Frances who claimed to
    have gotten pregnant through an e-mail exchange with a paramour 1,500
    miles away. "That's right - pregnant," he proclaimed, warning of the
    dangers of "immaculate reception." He called on Congress to go beyond
    "v-chips" that would protect kids from sexual content on the
    Internet, saying, "Its time for Congress to act. The computers do not
    need a v-chip. The Internet needs a chastity chip."

    An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died.
    He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet.
    As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
    "Why?" he whispered. "Why did you do that?"
    "They're for the funeral."

    1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter
    2. Log off: Don't add no more wood
    3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove
    4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck
    5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to
    much firewood
    6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood
    7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter
    8. Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire"
    9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside
    10. Screen: What to shut in fly season
    11. Byte: What flies do
    12. Bit: What the flies did
    13. Mega Byte: What BIG flies do
    14. Chip: Munchies when monitoring
    15. Micro Chip: What's left after you eat the chips
    16. Modem: What you did to the hay fields
    17. Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrixs' wife
    18. Lap top: Where kitty sleeps
    19. Software: The dumb plastic knives and forks they
    give you at the Big R
    20. Hardware: Real stainless steel cutlery
    21. Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
    22. more...

    Log on: making a wood stove hotter
    Log off: don't add no more wood
    Monitor: keeping an eye on the wood stove
    Download: gettin the farwood off the truck
    Mega Hertz: when yer not keerful getting the farwood
    Floppy disc: whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
    Ram: that thar thing what splits the farwood
    Hard drive: gettin home in the winter time
    Prompt: whut the mail ain't in the winter time
    Windows: what to shut when it's cold outside
    Screen: what to shut when it's blak fly season
    Byte: what dem flys do
    Chip: munchies fer the TV
    Micro Chip: whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
    Modem: whacha did to the hay fields
    Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix's wife
    Lap Top: whar the kitty sleeps
    Keyboard: whar ya hang the keys
    Software: them plastic forks and knifes
    Mouse: what eats the grain in the barn
    Mouse Pad: that hippie talk for the rat hole
    Main frame: holds up the barn more...

    One day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside a monastery
    A monk came out and invited him inside to have dinner and spend the night. The motorist accepted. That night he had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips.
    He decided to compliment the chef. Entering the kitchen, he asked the cook, "Are you the fish friar?"
    "No," the man replied, "I'm the chip monk."

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