Chip Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Newest Intel Chip

    Hot 4 years ago

    INTRODUCING the greatest and most powerful new chip out
    of INTEL's(TM) Microprocessor Labs: The Potato(TM) Chip.
    Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the
    best selling Pentium(TM) processor is released. The
    Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and
    electonic engineering. This newly developed organic
    microprocessor outshines the previous generation.
    The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory,
    1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than
    the traditional 200Mhz PentiumPro(TM) Chip.
    The new Potato(TM) Chip will soon be available in several
    flavors: Standard for the generic PC, Barbeque for those
    engineers and scientists who need an extra kick, Cajun for
    secretaries so that the engineers can drool over it, sour-cream and onions for the very low end user, and Low Sodium for the laptop market.
    Soon a modified version of the Potato(TM) Chip will be
    released for the Very High End more...

    U.S. Lawmaker Says He Is Worried About E-Mail Pregnancy
    Citing the case of a woman who claims she got pregnant from e-mail,
    an Ohio Democrat called Wednesday for a "chastity chip" for the
    Internet. Rep. James Traficant, known for his flamboyant rhetoric,
    gave a brief floor speech about a woman named Frances who claimed to
    have gotten pregnant through an e-mail exchange with a paramour 1,500
    miles away. "That's right - pregnant," he proclaimed, warning of the
    dangers of "immaculate reception." He called on Congress to go beyond
    "v-chips" that would protect kids from sexual content on the
    Internet, saying, "Its time for Congress to act. The computers do not
    need a v-chip. The Internet needs a chastity chip."

    Favorite Cookies

    Hot 1 year ago

    An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died.
    He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet.
    As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
    "Why?" he whispered. "Why did you do that?"
    "They're for the funeral."

    Log On: Making a wood stove hot
    Log Off: Too much wood on a fire
    Monitor: Keep'n an eye on the wood stove
    Download: Gitten the farwood off'n the truck
    Megahertz: When yer not keerfull gitten the farwood
    Floppy disc: Whatcha git from tryin to tote too much farwood
    Ram: That thar thang what splits the farwood
    Hard Drive: Gitten home in the winter time
    Windows: Whut to shut when its cold outside
    Screen: Whut to shut when its black fly season
    Byte: Whut dem dang flys do
    Chip: Munchies fer the TV
    Micro Chip: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
    Modem: Whatcha do to the hay fields
    Dot Matrix: Ole Dan Matrix's wife
    Lap Top: Whar the kitty sleeps
    Keyboard: Whar you hang the dang truck keys
    Software: Dem dang plastic forks and knifes
    Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
    Mousepad: That's hippie talk fer where the mouse lives
    Mainframe: Holds up the barn roof
    Port: Fancy flatlander wine
    Enter: Northerner more...

    Log On:
    Makin' the wood stove hotter.
    Log Off:
    Don't add no wood.
    Monitor:
    Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
    Download:
    Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
    Mega Hertz:
    When yer not careful down loadin'.
    Floppy Disk:
    Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
    Ram:
    The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
    Hard Drive:
    Getting' home in the winter season.
    Prompt:
    What you wish the mail was in the winter.
    Windows:
    What to shut when it's below 15 below.
    Screen:
    What 'cha need for the black fly season.
    Byte:
    That's what the flies do.
    Chip:
    What to munch on.
    Micro Chip:
    What's left in the bottom of the bag.
    Infrared:
    Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
    Modem:
    What 'cha did to the hay fields.
    Dot Matrix:
    Farmer Matrix's wife.
    Lap Top:
    Where little kids feel comfy.
    Keyboard:
    Where ya hang your keys.
    Software:
    Them plastic eatin' more...

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