Calories Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Amazing Facts

    Hot 5 years ago

    * The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.

    * Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.

    * The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

    * Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

    * British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

    * Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

    * When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...

    Diet Rules

    Hot 6 years ago

    1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
    2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
    3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
    4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
    5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
    6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and no part of one's personal fuel.
    7. Cookie pieces contain no calories - the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
    8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
    9. more...

    New rules for dieting!

    Hot 4 years ago

    1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
    2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out.
    3. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.
    4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Dazs ice cream.
    5. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes (but is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.
    6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.
    7. If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.
    8. If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.
    9. Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0 calories, courtesy of Santa.
    10. STRESSED is just more...

    #1
    In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.
    #2
    Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.
    #3
    Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.
    #4
    It cost the soft drink industry $100 million a year for thefts committed involving vending machines.
    #5
    The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.
    #6
    The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.
    #7
    Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.
    #8
    Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have the buttons on the left.
    #9
    Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy.
    #10
    Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.
    #11
    The painting that won more...

    1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out.3. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Dazs ice cream.5. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes (but is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.7. If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.8. If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.9. Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0 calories, courtesy of Santa.10. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.

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