Ice Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Fishin In Cajon Country

    Hot 2 years ago

    A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in South Louisiana recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
    "Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Deez here are my pet fish."
    "Pet fish?"
    Ya. Avery night I take deez here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim' round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem home."
    "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
    The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's de truth ma' fren. I'll show you. It really works."
    "Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
    The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
    "Well, what?" said the Cajun
    "When are you going to call more...

    PG Caught in the act

    Hot 3 years ago

    Caught in the Act:

    A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

    Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:' Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

    Burning with anger, but thinking the husband could only dig himself deeper; she turned, and with ice in her voice, said:' FINE.'

    'Well, on the bus home, I met this young girl. She looked poor and tired, so I offered her a ride from the transit station. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that old birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. Her pants were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit more...

    Gentleman and the Waiter

    Hot 2 years ago

    THE FOLLOWING STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT USAGE OF OBSCENE LANGUAGE IN A SEXUAL
    CONTEXT. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE BELOW THE ACCEPTABLE AGE OF 18 YEARS. THE
    AUTHOR IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY VIOLATION OR IGNORANCE OF THIS WARNING.

    There was once a posh gentleman who went to this luxurious, and highly
    pompous restaurant for a lavish dinner. He called a waiter, asked for the
    menu card, and then ordered a French soup a la' creme. Moments later, the
    waiter returned with the soup with his index finger poked inside the
    soup-bowl. Seeing this disgusting sight, the gentleman was dismayed, but
    with regard to his gentlemanly manner, remained quiet. He then ordered for
    apetizers, and the main course.
    During each of his courses, he noticed that the waiter was always poking his
    thumb into the dish. This time, the man was utterly annoyed, but still
    stayed calm, forcing his urging desire to punch the waiter, to regress.
    After enjoying more...

    Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

    Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

    Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

    Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

    Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

    Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

    Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the more...

    Q: Why cant blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe.

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