Insist Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    You insist that your boss call you "Rowan Starchild" because
    otherwise you'd sue for religious harrassment. (Score double for this
    if you don't let that patronizing bastard call you "Mr. or
    Ms. Starchild.")
    You've ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.
    You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.
    You said it was bigotry when they didn't let you do that
    ritual in front of city hall. It had nothing to do with the skyclad
    bit.
    You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought that the
    losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ needed to get lives.
    You've ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire,
    faerie, or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
    took you seriously.
    You've ever publically claimed to be the reincarnation of
    Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le
    Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not more...

    1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money.
    2) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.
    3) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbors that you're a ''spider person.''
    4) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: ''Don't let him in! He's the killer!''
    5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it.
    6) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: ''I hope I fixed it this time.''
    7) Beep when a large person backs up.
    8) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the ''little men.''
    9) Insist on making inanimate objects ''dance''
    10) Occasionally talk into your hand in public.
    11) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.
    12) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw more...

    1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money. 2) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call. 3) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbors that you're a "spider person." 4) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: "Don't let him in! He's the killer!" 5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it. 6) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: "I hope I fixed it this time." 7) Beep when a large person backs up. 8) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the "little men." 9) Insist on making inanimate objects "dance" 10) Occasionally talk into your hand in public. 11) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds. 12) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw more...

    1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
    2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
    3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
    4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
    5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
    6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
    7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
    8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
    9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
    10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
    11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
    12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
    13. Disassemble your pen and more...

    1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
    2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
    3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
    4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
    5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
    6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
    7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
    8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
    9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
    10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
    11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
    12. Sniffle incessantly.
    13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
    14. Name more...

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