Insist Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of
    sand, etc.)
    Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the
    door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or
    Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
    Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in
    big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say,
    "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut
    the door.
    Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters
    come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell,
    "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
    Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure
    out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural
    "whirring" sound.
    After you give more...

    You insist that your boss call you "Rowan Starchild" because
    otherwise you'd sue for religious harrassment. (Score double for this
    if you don't let that patronizing bastard call you "Mr. or
    Ms. Starchild.")
    You've ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.
    You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.
    You said it was bigotry when they didn't let you do that
    ritual in front of city hall. It had nothing to do with the skyclad
    bit.
    You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought that the
    losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ needed to get lives.
    You've ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire,
    faerie, or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
    took you seriously.
    You've ever publically claimed to be the reincarnation of
    Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le
    Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not more...

    1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
    2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
    3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
    4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
    5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
    6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
    7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
    8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
    9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
    10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
    11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
    12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
    13. Disassemble your pen and more...

    1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
    2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
    3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
    4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
    5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
    6. After you give them candy, hand more...

    When do men insist that women are illogical? When a woman doesn't agree with them.

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