911 Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Hunters

    Hot 2 months agoby Funny J

    A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
    The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
    The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

    Sharifah is explaining to Pei Lee the bad day she'd had at work. Sharifah's boss had suffered a heart attack and died. Pei Lee said, "How horrible! What did you do?" Sharifah shook her head. "There was nothing I could do! He kept yelling at me to call 911, but he wouldn't tell me the rest of the numbers!"

    Why can't sardar dial 911?


    They can not find the eleven on the phone.

    I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M’s. . .
    .. . sent to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is “MM” in Roman numerals when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken - which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there’s no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC.
    Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said “Call 911! ”. . .
    But he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled “Join the more...

    Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911operator told Bubba that she would send someone outright away." Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said,"How' bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and youpick her up there?"

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