Hospital Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not
    been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant
    about all the new technology. A technician followed her
    onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking
    machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate
    to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
    "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning
    machine."

    Aussie Father

    Hot 1 year ago

    Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.
    Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later."
    At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch.
    Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording more...

    The "'Tis Bottle"

    Hot 2 years ago

    Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was down on his luck,
    and as he was looking through the classifieds, he saw an
    intriguing ad offering a ten million dollar reward to the person
    who could find and retrieve, intact, something called a "tis
    bottle."
    Having nothing to lose, he calls the man who placed the ad. "I
    absolutely must have this bottle, and there are only three
    surviving in the world," the wealthy man tells him, "one is in
    the heart of the deepest jungle, one is at the bottom of the
    coldest, darkest sea, and one is at the top of the highest
    mountain. I will pay your expenses for however long it takes to
    bring me one of these bottles, as well as giving you the ten
    million."
    Being an adventurous fellow, he decides to accept the offer.
    First, he gathers a retinue of guides and hunters to go with him
    into the jungle. He studies for months to prepare, and when he
    is more...

    Insurance Claim

    Hot 2 years ago

    (name withheld) Minnetonka, MN 55345
    Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016
    Dear Sir:
    This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21A.(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put "Stupidity". I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization.
    I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary more...

    Frog Noises

    Hot 3 months ago

    A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.
    When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa's room.
    "Grampa, Grampa," he says excitedly, "as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
    "What?" said his grandpa.
    "Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croaked, we're going to Disneyland!!!"

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