Operator Jokes

  • Funny Jokes


    Hot 2 years ago

    Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, more...

    New Jersey Hunters

    Hot 3 years ago

    A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
    The hunters "A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: My friend is dead! What can I do? The operator, in a calm soothing voice says:

    1. How to get rid of nuclear waste:
    Sending nuclear waste into the sun is expensive, because of the amount of
    energy expended in getting it out of Earth's gravity well, which is most
    probably more energy than was obtained from the fuel in the first place.
    The best way to get rid of nuclear waste is to put it on the government
    surplus list. People will bid on anything if they think they are getting
    a good deal. And as for the damage it will cause, frankly do you really
    care what happens to people stupid enough to buy something that is clearly
    marked "Hazardous Nuclear Waste?"
    2. How to fund private space concerns:
    This is a twofold problem: first the difficulty with Congress, and second
    the lack of funding. Both these problems can be solved in one simple
    manner. Make slavery legal again. All the work on the Constitution has
    already been done; you merely need repeal the Emancipation Proclamation.
    Now, since congressmen more...

    Baby Owner's Manual

    Hot 4 years ago

    Stay clear of the ejection port(s) both front and rear.
    Beware of objects thrown from unit, both solid and liquid.
    Please carry unit with care as handle placement is not optimum.
    Use caution when dispensing fluids not to spill them on sensitive components of unit.
    Do not drop unit as this may cause damage.
    Do not submerge unit for extended periods of time.
    Do not leave unit submerged while unattended as this may harm the unit.
    Do not leave unit unattended in public places.
    Do not expose unit to extreme temperatures.
    Make sure to use proper approved restraints when transporting unit in a vehicle, i.e. no duct tape or string.
    Make sure to fuel unit through proper opening.
    Multiple units operating in close proximity may be hazardous to your health and mental well being.
    Unit is delivered "as is" and may not be returned or exchanged. No warranty should be implied.
    Software upgrades may be administered throughout the life of the more...

    Eucalyptus Road

    Hot 4 years ago

    Sue Ellen passed away so Billy Bob called 911. The operator promised to send someone out immediately and asked him where he lived. "Right at the end of Eucalyptus Road " Billy Bob replied. "Could you spell that for me please?" the operator asked. After a very lengthy pause Billy Bob said, "How 'bout I just drag her on over to Pine Street and y'all can pick her up there?"

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