Park Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Six again

    Hot 9 months ago

    A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.
    On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.
    What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was!
    Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of
    the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
    Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
    Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, Pepsi, and M&Ms.
    What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
    He leaned over and lovingly, asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
    One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
    The moral of this story: Even when the man is more...

    Beethoven in the park

    Hot 7 months ago

    A symphony orchestra is performing Beethoven's 9th in the park. It's so windy that the music sheets need to be tied down so they won't blow away.

    The tuba players just did their first bit, and they won't need to perform for a while, so they go to the bar across the street to get some drinks. Finally they hear that their next part coming soon, so they go back across the street. But they're so drunk, they can't untie the music!

    So the conductor looks over, and sees the tuba players, stumbling over each other trying to untie the music. He freaks out and thinks, "Oh no! It's the bottom of the ninth, the bases are loaded, and the score is tied!"

    Stupid Questions?

    Hot 6 years ago

    Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity.
    (Source: Outside Magazine)
    Grand Canyon National Park...
    Was this man-made?
    Do you light it up at night?
    I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom - where is it?
    So where are the faces of the presidents?
    Everglades National Park...
    Are the alligators real?
    Are the baby alligators for sale?
    Where are all the rides?
    What time does the two o'clock bus leave?
    Denali National Park (Alaska)...
    What time do you feed the bears?
    Can you show me where the yeti lives?
    How often do you mow the tundra?
    How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
    Mesa Verde National Park...
    Did people build this, or did Indians?
    Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
    What did they worship in the kivas - their own made-up religion?
    Do you know of any more...

    Reincarnation

    Hot 2 years ago

    Consider the story of the two octogenarians on a park bench. One asks the other: "Do you believe in reincarnation?"
    "Well, Joe," replies Harry, "I've never really thought much about it."
    "Maybe we ought to start thinking about it," says Joe. "One of us is going to go first. Let's agree that the one who is left behind will come to this park bench every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m., and the one who has departed will find a way of getting a message to him at that time about reincarnation and all those other things that are beyond our ken."
    Harry agrees.
    One month later, Joe dies peacefully in his sleep. Every week for several months, Harry takes up his station at the park bench at 11:00 a.m.
    Then one Wednesday, at the appointed hour, he hears a voice, as though from afar.
    "Harry, Harry, can you hear me?" the voice says. "It's Joe."
    "Joe, for heaven's sake, what is it more...

    Behind the Hedge

    Hot 2 years ago

    This man had been having a few beers down at the neighbourhood bar. It was dark out and he was walking home by a park when nature called so he stepped behind a hedge to relieve himself. To his and their surprise a couple were going at it on the grass and he almost stepped on them. The guy got up and took off running.
    The man could see the naked outline of the gals bare legs as she continued to lie there while he relieved himself. He could feel his interest grow as he finished. Without a word he got down on his knees between her legs and took advantage of the situation. She embraced him and showed her willingness.
    Just as they were both getting into it hot and heavy a cop walked by and shined his flashlight on them saying, "What the hell do you think your doing, this is a public park."
    The man said, "But officer this is my wife."
    The officer said, "Oh, I didn't know she was your wife."
    The man said, "Neither did I 'till you shined more...

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