"Too much coffee" joke

YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN. .

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you

You ski uphill

You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked

You speed walk in your sleep

You have a bumper sticker that says:' Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.' You answer the door before people knock

You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse

You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth

You sleep with your eyes open

You have to watch videos in fast-forward

The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer

You lick your coffeepot clean

You spend every vacation visiting' Maxwell House.' You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there

You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze

You chew on other people's fingernails

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse

Your T-shirt says,' Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee.' Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas

You can type sixty words per minute with your feet

You can jump-start your car without cables

Cocaine is a downer

All your kids are named' Joe.' You don't need a hammer to pound in nails

Your only source of nutrition comes from' Sweet & Low.' You don't sweat, you percolate

You buy milk by the barrel

You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee

You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them

Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down

You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers

People get dizzy just watching you

When you find a penny, you say,' Find a penny, pick it up

Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup.' You've worn the finish off your coffee table

The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house

Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp

You're so wired, you pick up AM radio

People can test their batteries in your ears

Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans

Instant coffee takes too long

You channel surf faster without a remote

When someone says.' How are you?', you say,' Good to the last drop.' You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can

You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life

Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil

You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison

You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee

You're offended when people use the word' brew' to mean beer

You name your cats' Cream' and' Sugar.' You get drunk just so you can sober up

You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson

Your Thermos is on wheels

Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug

You can outlast the Energizer bunny

You short out motion detectors

You have a conniption over spilled milk

You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore

Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale

You think being called a' drip' is a compliment

You don't tan, you roast

You don't get mad, you get steamed

Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and coffee after

Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood

You can't even remember your second cup

You help your dog chase its tail

You soak your dentures in coffee overnight

Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London

You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate

You think CPR stands for' Coffee Provides Resuscitation.' Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.