"Sperm Bank Stick Up" joke
A masked man walks into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter and shouts,' Open the safe!'
'But this is not a real bank!' the woman replies,' It's a sperm bank.'
'Open the safe or I'll shoot!' the man shouts.
The woman, now terrified opens the safe.
'Now take one of the bottles and drink it,' he says.
'But sir, these are sperm samples!' the woman replies.
'Just drink it or I'll shoot!'
The woman opens the bottle and drinks the lot.' Now take another bottle and drink it.'
'But sir, I just drank one!'
'Drink another one or I'll shoot you!'
The woman has no alternative and drinks a second bottle.
When she has emptied it, the man now takes off his mask and the woman is surprised to see the robber is her husband.
'Now you see, Honey,' he says,' It isn't so difficult, is it?'
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...
During sex last night, my partner whispered in my ear, "Pretend you're my dad."
I was furious.
"You are one sick-minded girl, what a disgusting thing to ask me."
I stormed out of the bedroom and slammed the door.
I mean, you don't expect shit more...
A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "It's simple. Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can more...
I was a chubby kid. My parents sent me to fat camp. I was nervous, but my big brother said, "As soon as you get there, stab the fattest kid you see. No-one will mess with you." I get off the bus at fat camp and some kid runs straight up and stabs me.