Sperm Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Sperm Bank Stick Up

    Hot 2 years ago

    A masked man walks into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter and shouts,' Open the safe!'

    'But this is not a real bank!' the woman replies,' It's a sperm bank.'

    'Open the safe or I'll shoot!' the man shouts.

    The woman, now terrified opens the safe.

    'Now take one of the bottles and drink it,' he says.

    'But sir, these are sperm samples!' the woman replies.

    'Just drink it or I'll shoot!'

    The woman opens the bottle and drinks the lot.' Now take another bottle and drink it.'

    'But sir, I just drank one!'

    'Drink another one or I'll shoot you!'

    The woman has no alternative and drinks a second bottle.

    When she has emptied it, the man now takes off his mask and the woman is surprised to see the robber is her husband.

    'Now you see, Honey,' he says,' It isn't so difficult, is it?'

    Things Said In Court 2

    Hot 1 year ago

    Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
    Q: Please state the nature of your relationship to the minor child?
    A: I'm his mother.
    Q: And you have been so all of his life?
    Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
    A: It indicates intercourse.
    Attorney Q: Male sperm?
    A: That is the only kind I know.
    Q: Doctor, as a result of your examination of the plaintiff, is the young lady pregnant?
    A: The young lady is pregnant? but not as a result of my examination.
    Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
    A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a more...

    A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
    Man: "What are you doing here today?"
    Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
    Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
    The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
    A couple months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
    Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
    Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

    Off to the Bank

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man and a woman met in an elevator. "Where are you headed today?" the man asked. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "Oh, about $20." "Wow," said the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman then walked off angrily. The next day, the man and woman met at the elevator once again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she said with her mouth full.

    Once upon a time in a place where little sperms grow, there was a super jock sperm who spent all his time working out. He did things like lifting weights and running, his most important duty. All the other sperm were very curious about his pastimes.
    "Why do you keep working out all the time," they asked.
    "Well," he said, "Of all us sperms, only one of us is going to make it to the egg. And that is going to be me." Well, the other sperms just floated around waiting for the day to cum (pardon the expression). And it did, and they were off! All those sperms racing along and far out in front of them was the super jock sperm, racing so fast and so hard (ha HA ) that they couldn't see him any more, but they still kept cumming.
    Alas, then, away in the distance, they heard a loud piercing scream. They still kept cumming though.
    And then very shortly the super sperm appeared, screaming with all his might, "Go back, Go Back! IT'S A BLOW more...

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