Sperm Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Sperm Bank Stick Up

    Hot 4 years ago

    A masked man walks into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter and shouts,' Open the safe!'

    'But this is not a real bank!' the woman replies,' It's a sperm bank.'

    'Open the safe or I'll shoot!' the man shouts.

    The woman, now terrified opens the safe.

    'Now take one of the bottles and drink it,' he says.

    'But sir, these are sperm samples!' the woman replies.

    'Just drink it or I'll shoot!'

    The woman opens the bottle and drinks the lot.' Now take another bottle and drink it.'

    'But sir, I just drank one!'

    'Drink another one or I'll shoot you!'

    The woman has no alternative and drinks a second bottle.

    When she has emptied it, the man now takes off his mask and the woman is surprised to see the robber is her husband.

    'Now you see, Honey,' he says,' It isn't so difficult, is it?'

    Things Said In Court 2

    Hot 3 years ago

    Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
    Q: Please state the nature of your relationship to the minor child?
    A: I'm his mother.
    Q: And you have been so all of his life?
    Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
    A: It indicates intercourse.
    Attorney Q: Male sperm?
    A: That is the only kind I know.
    Q: Doctor, as a result of your examination of the plaintiff, is the young lady pregnant?
    A: The young lady is pregnant? but not as a result of my examination.
    Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
    A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a more...

    Sperm donor

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
    Man: "What are you doing here today?"
    Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
    Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
    The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
    A couple months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
    Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
    Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

    Got Sperm?

    Hot 4 years ago

    Question: What do you call a hooker with white eyes?
    Answer: FULL!!!

    Old man's sperm cup

    Hot 11 months ago

    There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done.
    The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.
    The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.
    Doctor: What was the problem?
    Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand... nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand... nothing. Her left hand... nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth... still nothing.
    Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!
    Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

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