Stripes Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    New Sergeants

    Hot 6 years ago

    Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in."

    "But we're privates," protests Jasper.

    "We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink."

    "But we're privates," says Jasper.

    "You blind?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We're sergeants now."

    So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "Your cute," she says, "and I'd like to screw you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."

    Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what' gonorrhea' means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay more...

    Condoms Of The Zodiac

    Hot 4 years ago

    SCORPIO
    Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That's probably because people try to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending that they're a Scorpio. The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn't scare a Scorpio. And a Scorpio doesn't get caught.
    Scorpio condoms come in two editions, basic black and the stealthy invisible model. Both leather and studs are optional. Also, because propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of Scorpio condoms comes with a pre-printed, pre-coital agreement. Symbolized by the venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you want a Scorpio condom.
    SAGITTARIAN
    Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship, cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way. Sagittarian condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped with travel cases.
    Sagittarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with you. They promise a more...

    Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been
    promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after,
    they're out for a walk and Leroys says, "Hey, Jasper,
    there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."
    "But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's
    sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.
    "Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me
    a drink." "But we's privates," says Jasper.
    "You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at
    his stripes. "We's sergeants now." So they
    have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up
    to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and
    I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
    Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper,
    go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means.
    If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper
    goes to look it up, comes back, and more...

    A zebra dies goes to heaven. When checking in, he tells St. Peter,
    "Say, I have always wanted to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white stripes."
    St. Peter, "I can't answer that question...but see God walking around over there? Ask him."
    Zebra to God, "God, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"
    God looks at the zebra sagely and states, "You are what you are."
    Frustrated, the zebra returns to St. Peter.
    What did He say," asks S.P.
    "Oh,," replies the zebra. "He just said, 'You are what you are,' and I still don't know whether I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes."
    "Oh, that's easy," says S.P. "You are white with black stripes."
    "How do you know?" asks the zebra. "Well," says S.P., "if you were black with white stripes he would have said 'you is what you is.'"

    A zebra dies goes to heaven. When checking in, he tells St. Peter,"Say, I have always wanted to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white stripes."St. Peter, "I can't answer that question...but see God walking around over there? Ask him." Zebra to God, "God, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"God looks at the zebra sagely and states, "You are what you are."Frustrated, the zebra returns to St. Peter.What did He say," asks S.P."Oh,," replies the zebra. "He just said, 'You are what you are,' and I still don't know whether I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes.""Oh, that's easy," says S.P. "You are white with black stripes.""How do you know?" asks the zebra. "Well," says S.P., "if you were black with white stripes he would have said 'you is what you is.'"

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