Stripes Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been
promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after,
they're out for a walk and Leroys says, "Hey, Jasper,
there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."
"But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's
sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.
"Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me
a drink." "But we's privates," says Jasper.
"You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at
his stripes. "We's sergeants now." So they
have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up
to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and
I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper,
go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means.
If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper
goes to look it up, comes back, and more...

Stanley got a job painting the yellow stripes on the highway. His first day he dipped his brush into the bucket and managed to paint an entire mile of yellow lines. The second day he painted half a mile. The rthird day a quarter of a mile.

On the fourth day Stanley's boss showed up and asked, "How come each day you seem to paint less and less?"

"Well, sir," explained Stanley, "that's because each day I get farther and farther away from the bucket."

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"
The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him."
So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said,' You are what you are.' "
The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said,' Yo is what yo is.' "

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal."See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey Jasper, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."
"But we's privates," protests Jasper.
"We's sergeants now, "says Leroy, pulling him inside.
"Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But we's privates," says Jasper. "Are you blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now."
So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay more...

Animal Quiz
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She
holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone
knows what it is. No one raises their hand.
The teacher says "
See its long neck? What animal has a
long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks, "
Is it a
giraffe?"
"
Very good Sally,"
the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the
students holds up their hands. "
See the stripes on this
animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his
hand and says, "
It's a zebra."
"
Very good Billy,"
the
teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the
students recognized the animal. "
See the big antlers on
this animal. What animal has horns like this?"
Still no
one guesses.
"
Let me give you another hint, it's something more...

Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side?A: So the cops can find the handles.