Privates Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    New Sergeants

    Hot 7 years ago

    Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in."

    "But we're privates," protests Jasper.

    "We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink."

    "But we're privates," says Jasper.

    "You blind?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We're sergeants now."

    So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "Your cute," she says, "and I'd like to screw you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."

    Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what' gonorrhea' means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay more...

    How to Shower Like a Man

    Hot 6 years ago

    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
    3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch
    your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
    4. Get in the shower.
    5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
    6. Wash your face.
    7. Wash your armpits.
    8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
    9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
    10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
    11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
    12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
    13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
    14. Pee (in the shower).
    15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor more...

    Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been
    promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after,
    they're out for a walk and Leroys says, "Hey, Jasper,
    there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."
    "But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's
    sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.
    "Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me
    a drink." "But we's privates," says Jasper.
    "You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at
    his stripes. "We's sergeants now." So they
    have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up
    to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and
    I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
    Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper,
    go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means.
    If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper
    goes to look it up, comes back, and more...

    A group of soldiers began digging foxholes for pending war games. Two privates working side by side dug their holes to standard depth.
    A third man, a corporal, dug his foxhole so deep that only his shovel tip was visible as he ejected the dirt. Curiosity got the best of the two privates. When their sergeant passed by, one spoke up. "Um, sergeant, sir, can you tell us what's with the corporal? He seems to have gotten carried away."
    "Oh, he'll be okay in a few minutes," the sergeant said. "He suffers from corporal tunnel syndrome."

    A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
    Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.
    Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
    After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, its my face they would recognize."

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