Billy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    In a small town in the rural south, poor, fun-loving, good-ole'-boy
    Billy Bob died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad, and the morgue needed
    someone to identify the body. So, his two buddies, Jimmy Lee and Donnie Ray,
    went down to the morgue.
    Jimmy Lee went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Jimmy Lee said "Yep, he's burnt so bad, I can't tell from the front. Roll him over."
    So the mortician rolled him over. Jimmy Lee took one look at his ass and
    said "Hell no, that ain't Billy Bob."
    The mortician didn't say anything but thought that was kind of
    strange. Then he brought in Donnie Ray to identify. the body. Donnie Ray took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, rollhim over."
    The mortician rolled him over. Donnie Ray looked down at his ass and said
    "No, that ain't Billy Bob."
    The mortician said "How can you tell?" Donnie Ray said "Well, Billy Bob had two more...

    Redneck joke

    Hot 6 years ago

    "Hello, is this the FBI?"
    "Yes. What do you want?"
    "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
    "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
    The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
    "Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
    "Yeah!"
    "Did they chop your firewood?"
    "Yep."
    "Happy Birthday Buddy"

    Mom's Brownie Recipe

    Hot 5 years ago

    Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
    Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
    Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Billy "no, no."
    Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
    Take shortening can away from Billy and clean cupboards.
    Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
    Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.
    Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
    Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
    Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows
    for ventilation.
    Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
    Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
    Let cat out of refrigerator.
    Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
    Bake 25 minutes.
    Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids more...

    50 Years

    Hot 5 years ago

    See what 50 years will do:


    Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.

    1956 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.

    2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++

    Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

    1956 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.

    2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Scenario: Jason won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

    1956 - Jason sent to office and given a good more...

    The Horse-Drawn Carriage

    Hot 6 years ago

    Little Jimmy, Little Billy, and Jimmy's father were at an Art Museum. Little Jimmy was looking at a picture of someone in a carriage being pulled by a horse.
    Little Jimmy brought his father over to look at the picture, and he asked his father, "Daddy, what is this?"
    His dad replied, "Why, that is a horse-drawn carriage!"
    Little Jimmy excitedly ran over to Little Billy, brought him back to the picture, and said, "Billy, a horse drew this picture!!"

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