1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
10 I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit thim in the backyard after processing.
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them!
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the more...
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch more...
Why did the termite eat a sofa and two chairs? It had a suite tooth.
Theres a mother and a daughter walking in the park and the daughter sees to tenagers having sex
The daughter goes to the mother and says: what r they doing mummy?
So mummy says there making cakes.
The morning after the daughter goes to the mother and says: u and daddy were making cakes last night, werent u?
And the mum goes: how do u no?
So the daughter says: coz i was licking the icing from the sofa.
A guy was having trouble with his cat.
his cat would always scratch the sofa but never the scratching post.
one day the guy got an idea.so he bought a new couch and replaced the scratching post with the old couch hoping this would solve his problem.
But his cat just began scratching the new sofa.
Then another idea hit him.So he got some clay and got to work.
understanding your cat likes to scratch your face more than he likes to scratch the couch-priceless