Miracle Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Miracle Doctor

    Hot 3 years ago

    A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do except for Banta, the town's grouch.
    So Banta went to this 'Miracle Doctor' to prove that he wasn't so miraculous.
    He goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing, so what are you going to do?"
    The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tell Banta, "What you need is jar number 43."
    "Jar number 43?", Banta wonders.
    So the doctor leaves and after five minutes brings a jar and tells Banta to taste it.
    He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is Shit!" he yells.
    "I just restored your sense of taste Banta," says the doctor.
    So Banta goes home very mad.
    One month later, Banta goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
    Thinking he got the doctor, the more...

    Miracle!

    Hot 5 years ago

    An alter boy is in church cleaning the pews when he sees a cripple struggle through the doors of the church and make his way to the font of holy water.
    The boy watches as the cripple manages to get up the step, sprinkles holy water on his legs and then throws his crutches away.
    The alter boy runs to get the priest and explains what he saw.
    "It's a miracle", exclaims the priest, "where is he now?"
    "Flat on his ass by the holy water", says the boy.

    Feline Fasting

    Hot 6 years ago

    Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
    DAY ONE
    Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
    Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
    Dinner: Catch more...

    Bible Bloopers

    Hot 1 year ago

    It is truly astonishing what happens in Bible stories when they are retold by young scholars around the world... In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to more...

    A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."
    Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause "God will grant him a miracle."
    With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a more...

  • Recent Activity