Expensive Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Cock A Doodly Doo!

    Hot 7 years ago

    This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've this great rooster, named Randy. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but, farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Randy and takes the rooster home. He then sets him down in the barnyard and gives the rooster a pep talk, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. "So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer ended with a chuckle. Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Randy took off like a shot. WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the more...

    Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.

    Heaven, I'm In Heaven...

    Hot 8 years ago

    Marty and Jane were driving home after an expensive - yet bland -
    dinner. Since Marty's minor heart attack 15 years ago, Jane had kept
    her hubby on a strict, low sodium, low fat, low cholesterol diet,
    depriving him of all the foods he loved.
    As Marty turned the corner at a busy intersection, another car slammed
    into theirs, killing Marty and Jane instantly.
    St. Peter greeted the couple at the Pearly Gates and took them on a
    tour of Heaven. Their first stop was a luxury mansion, "Your new
    home," St. Peter told them.
    Looking at the expensive marble floors, Marty asked, "How much is this
    going to cost us?"
    "Nothing," St. Peter replied. "Everything is free in Heaven."
    Next, they visited their new championship-style golf course.
    "This is your private golf course," St. Peter said. "It changes daily,
    representing the greatest golf courses on Earth."
    "What are the green more...

    Expensive Cosmetics

    Hot 3 years ago

    A husband bought his wife a new line of expensive cosmetics that were guaranteed to make her look years younger.
    After sitting in front of the mirror for a lengthy time, applying the miracle products, she asked, "Tell me honestly, darling, what age would you say I am?"
    He looked her over carefully and replied, "Let's see. Judging from you skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five."
    "Oh, you're such a flatterer," she gushed.
    "Hey, hold on a second," he interrupted, "I haven't added them up yet."

    Expensive Persian Rugs

    Hot 5 years ago

    A lady walks into a shop that sells VERY expensive Persian rugs. She browses around, then spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug, she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now. As she turns back, there, standing next to her is a salesman.
    "Good day, madam. How may we help you today?"
    Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely rug?"
    He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are very likely to shit when you hear the price!"

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