Spouse Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)
    Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
    Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
    Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Un-employed
    Spouse's Name: __________________________
    Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet
    Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___
    Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
    Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
    Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
    ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ more...

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
    4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
    5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub more...

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
    3. Retrive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
    paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
    Call spouse from garden.
    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler more...

    The official year 2000 Redneck Census Form:
    Last name: _______________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) (_)Billy-Bob (_)Billy-Joe (_)Billy-Ray (_)Billy-Sue (_)Billy-Mae (_)Billy-Jack
    What does everyone call you? (_)Booger (_)Bubba (_)Junior (_)Sissy (_)Other____________
    Age:____ (if unsure, guess)
    Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure
    Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right
    Occupation:(Check appropriate box) (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed (_)Dirty Politician (_)Preacher
    Spouse's Name:_____________
    2nd Spouse's Name:_______________
    3rd Spouse's Name:_______________
    Lover's Name:_______________
    Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box) (_)Sister (_)Brother (_)Aunt (_)Uncle (_)Cousin (_)Mother (_)Father (_)Son (_)Daughter (_)Pet
    Number of children living in the home:_____
    Number of the children living in the shed:_____
    Number that are yours:_____
    Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave more...

    McDonnell Douglas
    Aircraft/Space Systems/Missiles
    PRODUCT REGISTRATION CARD
    Dear Sir,
    Important! Important!
    Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase.
    Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
    In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments
    to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the
    survey questions is not required, but the information will help us
    to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

    1. [ ]Mr.[ ]Mrs.[ ]Ms.[ ]Miss[ ]Lt.[ ]Gen.[ ]Comrade[ ]Classified
    First Name _______________ Initial ___ Last Name ____________
    Latitude ____________ Longitude ____________ Altitude _______
    Password, Code Names, Aliases, etc. ___________________________
    2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
    [ ] F-14 Tomcat [ ] F-15 Eagle
    [ ] F-16 Falcon [ ] F-19A Stealth
    [ ] Classified
    3. Date of purchase: more...

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