Reaction Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man wanted to prove to a group of alcoholics the effect of alcohol in human body system. He brought two jars; one containing water and the other containing alcohol, along with a very healthy worm. He said to the audience:
"This jar contain water"
He dropped the worm in the jar and said, "Please watch the reaction". The worm swam to the side of the jar and up it floats dangling and swimming.
The man took the worm out of the first jar and put it in the second jar containing alcohol and said to the audience " now watch the reaction" The worm went right down into the water and struggled for survival. There and then every body saw the worm shrinking and dis-integrating, and in one word, died.
The man turned round an asked the audience " what would you all say to this".
After a long silence, someone from the rear stood up and said
"
Sitting in the doctor's office, the frustrated fellow unburdened himself of a tale of woe. His beautiful young wife, who had been delightfully passionate before they were married, had now lost all interest in sex.
"Try giving her these," said the doctor, handing him a bottle of pills. "One each evening with dinner."
The man complied, but the first night brought no reaction. On the second evening, he gave his wife two pills, but still no reaction. On the third night, he gave her half the bottle and, in disgust, swallowed the rest himself. Soon, his wife stretched out languorously on the couch. "Oh, darling," she said, "I want a man."
"That's funny," said her husband. "So do I."
While the nurse was bathing a female patient who had been in a coma for many months, she noticed a reaction when she started to wash her private area. She immediately notified the doctor who called the patient's husband, telling him to get to the hospital right away.
When the husband arrived, the doctor explained what had happened. "This may sound crazy," the doctor said, "but maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
Although skeptical, the husband agreed that it was worth a try and entered his wife's room. A few minutes later the husband came out of his wife's room and announced that her monitor had flat-lined and she was dead.
"What happened?" the doctor asked.
"I think she choked!" replied the husband.
Administratrium, The New Element
AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead more...
: When greeting a Filipino driver, slowly lower your window and be prepared to greet the driver with: "Tang namo, bobo". However, if you have been already addressed by a fellow driver, reply with a joyful "Tang namo rin, gago". On Turn signals If a driver in another lane turns on the turn signal, do not let him go into your lane. In fact, press the accelerator and start driving right next to him/her. The fellow driver will probably greet you and you already know what to do. On Traffic Lights These amusing artifacts hang from intersections for no apparent reason. Sometimes you will see drivers stop to see the colors change on these lights (a fascinating experience). Government officials (specifically police) believe that each color stands for an instruction for drivers to follow. From pure observation I have determined the following instructions for each color: Yellow light: accelerate your car as much as possible. Red light: this light gives permission to the next more...
A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch. The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. The patron takes a sip... same reaction. But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied. All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:"Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges... he promptly spits it out." That tastes like pee!," he shoots back at the more...
A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction.
But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.
He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
"Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.
"That tastes like more...