Heat Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT. On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note: Dear Madam: Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that; 1) it had never been occupied
    2) that there was plenty of heat
    3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home. However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check more...

    Sven and Olie

    Hot 1 year ago

    Sven and Olie died and went to Hell. After awhile, the Devil came by to see how his new guests were doing. To his amazement, he found Sven and Olie were still wearing their winter gear and seemed to be quite comfortable. The Devil asked why they weren't hot.
    Olie replied, "We come from Minnesota where it's always cold. This is feeling pretty good to us." This upset the Devil, so he turned up the thermostat. Awhile later the Devil looked in again on Sven and Olie. To his surprise he found they were still wearing their winter gear. The Devil questioned them on it again. "You have to remember that we are from Minnesota and it's very, very cold there. This is feeling nice to us."
    The Devil was even madder at this, so he turned the thermostat all the way up to maximum temperature. The Devil waited some time and then went back to Sven and Olie. This time he found they had only unzipped their coats, but still had all their winter clothes on. The Devil couldn't more...

    60 above
    Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
    People in Canada sunbathe
    50 above:
    New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
    People in Canada plant gardens.
    40 above:
    Italian cars won't start.
    Canadians drive with the windows down.
    32 above:
    Distilled water freezes.
    The Saskatchewan River water gets thicker.
    20 above:
    Californians shiver uncontrollably.
    Canadians have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
    15 above:
    New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
    Canadians throw on a sweatshirt.
    -0 -
    Californians fly away to Mexico.
    People in Canada lick the flagpole.
    20 below:
    People in Miami cease to exist.
    Canadians get out their winter coats.
    40 below:
    Hollywood disintegrates.
    Canada's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
    60 below:
    Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
    Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets more...

    Too much thinking...

    Hot 3 years ago

    Last year authorities in Montana discovered that a hermit had been living in an old Forest Service cabin, and they were concerned about his well being. They decided to send up a team of experts from different fields to analyze his living arrangements, and to make sure that he was okay.First they decided on a Psychologist, to make sure that the man was mentally handling his isolation. Next, they decided on an Engineer, to make sure that the cabin is still structurally sound and safe. Finally, they decided on a Theological professor from the university, to make sure that the man's spiritual needs were being fulfilled.The team made it's way up the treacherous terrain in three days, but they were truly exhausted. Finally, on the evening of the third day, they spotted the cabin. From the outside, it appeared all was well.The area around the cabin was clean, the ground almost appearing as though it had been swept often. There was smoke coming from the stove pipe chimney, and the door was more...

    When Hell Freezes Over

    Hot 6 years ago

    An explosion killed a navy boilerman and he wound up in hell. Being used to stroking fires and extremely hot temperatures, he found hell actually quite comfortable. When satan went to check out the new arrival, he found him sitting in his room smiling. "You like this?", satan asked.

    "Yes, sir", said the sailor, "this feels like a spring day to me."

    Not wanting the new guy to be too comfortable, satan turned up the heat a lot. When he went back to see how his new arrival was doing, the sailor was still happy. He hadn't even broken a sweat.

    "I like this kind of weather", he told satan. Satan decided to try something different. Rather than turn up the heat, he turned it off. He made the sailor's room form icicles. When he checked on the guy, the room was icy and he was shivering, but he had a grin from ear to ear.

    "Why are you so happy?", satan demanded. "It's freezing in here!" more...

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