Possibly Jokes / Recent Jokes

(From our pastor's sermon on human nature:)
A father had two little sons, one of whom was an eternal optimist, while
the other was a perpetual pessimist. One Christmas he decided try to
temper both of their proclivities: in addition to their standard gifts,
he told them they'd each get something "chosen especially for you!"
His plan was to give the pessimist every toy and game he could possibly
desire, while the optimist would be directed to the basement filled with
manure.
On Christmas, after the normal presents were opened, the father sent the
optimist to the cellar, while leading the pessimist to the room filled
with presents. After the pessimist opened all the gifts, he turned to
his father with a sad face and said: "How can I possibly use all these?
The TV will wear out, the Nintendo will get smashed, and all the other
toys will be broken!" After a few minutes of listening to such woe, more...

A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow. Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. A few moments later, a knock on the door. The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork. Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the p ig!

Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the more...

Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the more...

One day a Scottish guy and his girlfreind were walking when the Scottish guy says, "You want to hold my hand, don't you?"
The girlfriend replies, "How can you possibly know that?", and the guy goes, "The twinkle in your eye."
So, they hold hands for a bit, but a little while later the guy goes, "You want to kiss me, don't you?" and she goes, "How can you possibly know that?", to which he replies, "The twinkle in your eye." Sure enough, he is given a kiss by the lass.
Finally, the date is over, and the girl says you want to make love to me, don't you?"
He says, "How can you possibly know that? Is it the twinkle in my eye?"
She says, "No, it's the tilt in your kilt."