"Is the basement half empty or half full?" joke
(From our pastor's sermon on human nature:)
A father had two little sons, one of whom was an eternal optimist, while
the other was a perpetual pessimist. One Christmas he decided try to
temper both of their proclivities: in addition to their standard gifts,
he told them they'd each get something "chosen especially for you!"
His plan was to give the pessimist every toy and game he could possibly
desire, while the optimist would be directed to the basement filled with
On Christmas, after the normal presents were opened, the father sent the
optimist to the cellar, while leading the pessimist to the room filled
with presents. After the pessimist opened all the gifts, he turned to
his father with a sad face and said: "How can I possibly use all these?
The TV will wear out, the Nintendo will get smashed, and all the other
toys will be broken!" After a few minutes of listening to such woe, the
father remembered his optimistic son, and ran to the basement steps.
There in the basement was his other son, swimming through the manure
with a gleeful smile. The father asked him why he was so happy, to
which the boy exclaimed "With this much manure, there must be a pony in
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
People in Canada sunbathe
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
People in Canada plant gardens.
Italian cars won't start.
Canadians drive with the windows down.
A man was involved in a terrible accident which left his member mangled and torn from his body. The doctor assured him that modern medicine did make it possible for his manhood to be rebuilt, but since it was considered cosmetic surgery, his insurance would not cover the more...
It was John The Milkman's birthday. Being a friendly sort of chap, he knew most of his customers and had told quite of few of them about his birthday. When he reached number 28, he was met by Mrs. Jones, the young attractive occupant. She asked him into the house and gave him an more...
A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. After applying lipstick in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints [purportedly practicing the perfect pucker].
Before it got more...