Oriental Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly, or the
davenport. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental
rug. Lacking an Oriental rug, shag is good.
DOORS: About them...
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open,
stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door
is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can
change your mind.
When you have ordered an outdoor door opened, stand half-in
and half-out and think about several things (particularly
important during very cold weather or mosquito season).
Doors swinging: Avoid.
GUESTS: About them...
After dinner, when walking on the dinner table among the
dishes, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded.
The idea to convey is, "But you let me do it when there
isn't company!"
Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap
during the evening. You will know him because he will call
you more...

I. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.
II. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.
III. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.
IV. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as more...

There are three construction workers on top of a building having lunch. One Italian, one Polak, and one Oriental.The Italian has a meatball hero, the Oriental has noodles, and the Polak has knockwurst. The Italian and the Oriental are tired of having the same lunches everyday. The Italian says that if he gets a meatball hero the next day that he will throw it off the building. The Oriental says that if he gets noodles tommorow he will also throw it off the building. The Polak says that if he gets knockwurst tommorow he will throw it off the building.Sure enough the Italian and Oriental workers open their lunch-boxes and they find that they have a meatball hero and noodles respectively. They both throw their lunches off the building. The Polak then throws his sandwich off the building.The other guys ask him how he knew that it was knockwurst again without even looking.He responded by saying, "Because I pack my own lunch."

A guy was on a business trip and he's staying in this fancy hotel. When he goes up to his room there's a sign near the bed that says "Try our Oriental Massage". So he rings down to the reception and tells the clerk that he'd like to try one of these massages.

About ten minutes later this Japanese lady comes up and starts giving him a massage. He's lying on his stomach and getting pretty horny and he gets a huge boner. She told him to turn over and when he does she sees his cock standing to attention.

So she giggles and says "Ahh, you want wanky!"

So he says "Oooh, yes!"

So she runs off into the bathroom and he lies on the bed waiting. A few minutes later she sticks her head out from behind the door and says "You finished yet?"

There are three construction workers on top of a building having lunch. One Italian, one Polak, and one Oriental.
The Italian has a meatball hero, the Oriental has noodles, and the Polak has knockwurst. The Italian and the Oriental are tired of having the same lunches everyday. The Italian says that if he gets a meatball hero the next day that he will throw it off the building. The Oriental says that if he gets noodles tommorow he will also throw it off the building. The Polak says that if he gets knockwurst tommorow he will throw it off the building.
Sure enough the Italian and Oriental workers open their lunch-boxes and they find that they have a meatball hero and noodles respectively. They both throw their lunches off the building. The Polak then throws his sandwich off the building.
The other guys ask him how he knew that it was knockwurst again without even looking.
He responded by saying, "Because I pack my own lunch."