Clothing Jokes

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    Earthquake Appeal

    Hot 4 years ago

    Disaster in Hull
    An Appeal for Your Help
    A major earthquake measuring 5. 2 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Wednesday morning. Epicentre: Hull, England.
    News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35, 000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fookinhell" and "choffin-norah".
    The earthquake decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.
    Many locals were woken up well before their Giro arrived. Radio Hull reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Hull.
    One resident of Bransholme, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was such a shock, my little more...

    Start asking her questions (don't mistakenly do anything) about cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Say, "I think it's time I learn to take care of myself. You know, just in case." Volunteer to cook for her. Make sure it's real greasy. Use every pot and pan in the house and be sure you spill and/or drop some of everything everywhere. While brushing your teeth, flick the toothbrush first at the sink and then at the mirror. Never ask her to get you something from the kitchen when she's in the kitchen. Let her spend a good 30 minutes in there and when she reaches the sofa with a sigh of relief say, "Will you PLEASE do me a big favor and get me a beer, my back is just killing me today. Be sure to load up all your pockets with tissues before you drop them in the clothes hamper. Leave yourself a trail of clothing, towels, dishes, and everything else you put your hands on. This will ensure you never lose your way. Wait until she's overwhelmed with work (Weekly Opportunity) lean in more...

    1. Because baby eats. Eating is a messy job for a baby. If you wrap a baby in a towel sized bib...baby will find the tiny gap of space left around the neck and dump food in.
    2. Because baby sleeps. Sleeping is an unplanned job for baby. If you don't have a clean dry diaper on baby when baby decides to doze...or even if you do...baby will figure out a way to sleep and still whiz on everything.
    3. Because baby drools. Baby may look clean to the unexpecting admirer... but beware of picking up the little water fountain unless your clothing has flood insurance.
    4. Because baby moves. If your house is spotless...baby will find spot.
    5. Because baby has Grandma. Grandma thinks the little suit with ears and a tail is SOOOOOO CUTE!!! Not to mention the Santa suit, pumpkin suit, turkey suit, bunny suit, or cowboy suit.
    6. Because baby grows. Size 1 today...size 3 on Wednesday...
    7. Because baby things disappear. Even washing machines enjoy a light lunch once in a more...

    1. Because baby eats. Eating is a messy job for a baby. If you wrap a baby in a towel sized bib...baby will find the tiny gap of space left around the neck and dump food in.2. Because baby sleeps. Sleeping is an unplanned job for baby. If you don't have a clean dry diaper on baby when baby decides to doze...or even if you do...baby will figure out a way to sleep and still whiz on everything.3. Because baby drools. Baby may look clean to the unexpecting admirer... but beware of picking up the little water fountain unless your clothing has flood insurance.4. Because baby moves. If your house is spotless...baby will find spot.5. Because baby has Grandma. Grandma thinks the little suit with ears and a tail is SOOOOOO CUTE!!! Not to mention the Santa suit, pumpkin suit, turkey suit, bunny suit, or cowboy suit.6. Because baby grows. Size 1 today...size 3 on Wednesday...7. Because baby things disappear. Even washing machines enjoy a light lunch once in a while.8. Because baby has relatives. more...

    1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when the aren't looking.
    2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
    3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
    4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares, and see what happens
    5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
    6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
    7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
    8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'.
    9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
    10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
    11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly more...

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