Knitting Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Lesson in Church

    Hot 7 years ago

    A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked "Who created the Earth and man?" The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, "GOD!" The Priest looked at him and said, "That's right." Then he asked "Who is God's son?" Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!" Again, the priest said, "Correct." Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want any more children?" The knitter poked her husband again, but this time he screamed "Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm going to rip it off!" The priest smiled and said, "That's right."

    Knitting and driving

    Hot 6 years ago

    A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!"
    "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

    If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly, or the
    davenport. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental
    rug. Lacking an Oriental rug, shag is good.
    DOORS: About them...
    Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open,
    stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door
    is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can
    change your mind.
    When you have ordered an outdoor door opened, stand half-in
    and half-out and think about several things (particularly
    important during very cold weather or mosquito season).
    Doors swinging: Avoid.
    GUESTS: About them...
    After dinner, when walking on the dinner table among the
    dishes, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded.
    The idea to convey is, "But you let me do it when there
    isn't company!"
    Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap
    during the evening. You will know him because he will call
    you more...

    A Cat's Guide: TRAINING YOUR HUMAN
    CHAIRS AND RUGS:
    If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good.
    DOORS:
    Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and scratch loudly. Once the door is opened, it is considered bad form to go through it.
    After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.
    GUESTS:
    Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish n' Glop" on your breath.
    For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats should go to black wool clothing.
    For the guest who claims, "I love more...

    A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway.
    He started chasing after the speeder .
    When he got close he's saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving.
    The cop yelled, "Pull over!"
    The blonde shouted back, "No! It's a sweater!"

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