Activity Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly, or the
    davenport. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental
    rug. Lacking an Oriental rug, shag is good.
    DOORS: About them...
    Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open,
    stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door
    is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can
    change your mind.
    When you have ordered an outdoor door opened, stand half-in
    and half-out and think about several things (particularly
    important during very cold weather or mosquito season).
    Doors swinging: Avoid.
    GUESTS: About them...
    After dinner, when walking on the dinner table among the
    dishes, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded.
    The idea to convey is, "But you let me do it when there
    isn't company!"
    Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap
    during the evening. You will know him because he will call
    you more...

    A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity, and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week. A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Please tell my
    husband."
    The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week. The 80-year-old husband replied, "Which days?"
    The doctor answered, "Monday, Wednesday, and Friday would be ideal.
    The husband said, "I can bring her on Monday and Wednesday, but on Fridays, she'll have to take the bus."

    An elderly woman went to the doctor for a check up. After examining her and checking her cardiovascular activity, the doctor recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week. Embarrased, the woman asked the doctor to tell her husband.
    The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week.
    The elderly husband replied, "OK, Doc. Which days?
    "Monday, Wednesday and Friday would be ideal," replied the doctor.
    "Well, I can bring her on Monday and Wednesday," the husband said, "but on Fridays, she'll have to take a taxi."

    For cat people everwhere - Enjoy :-)
    Rules for cats who have a house to run
    I. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.
    II. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.
    III. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.
    IV. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay more...

    HUSBAND 1.0 There are alot of pressures to upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0
    to Husband 1.0. However before doing so make sure you understand the
    implications of this change...
    For one, system activity will be severely limited and you will be compelled
    to instigate rigorous daily routines in space management, garbage disposal
    and disc cleaning often with an accompanying increase in system
    administration. This program can also be a drain on many resources and
    demand constant attention. You will encounter an increased amount of
    interrupts and error messages, while the program often cancels processes
    without warning, very often crashing the system. In addition, Husband
    1.0 often refuses to respond to your commands and frequently appears to
    be running processes which you have not authorised. If this happens
    alot, do not respond to any interactive requests from the program and
    severely limit demand for extra bytes.
    Every evening there will more...

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