Stand Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Guardian Angel

    Hot 5 years ago

    A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
    The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
    Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
    The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
    "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
    "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
    "Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where were you when I got married?"

    1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
    2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
    3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
    4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
    5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
    6. Bring cheerleaders.
    7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester more...

    Guardian angel!

    Hot 5 years ago

    A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
    The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
    Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
    The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
    "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
    "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
    "Oh yeah?" the man asked..."And where were you when I got married?"

    A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one morestep a car will run over you and you will die."The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him."Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?""I am your guardian angel," the voice answered."Oh yeah?" the man asked..."And where were you when I got married?"

    The pastor at Sven and Ole`s church was giving a rousing heaven or hell sermon one Sunday. At the end, minister commands "Whoever wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everyone except Sven and Ole stand. The pastor walks over to them, looks them directly in the eye and asks "Why don`t Sven and Ole want to go to heaven?" Sven answers, "Oh, ve vant to go to heaven. But ve taught you were taking a load up right now and ve aren`t ready yet."

  • Recent Activity