Guest Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?" "Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general. "And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks. "The likelihood is that it will be China." The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?" "Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time." "But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have more...

    One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were.When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse".As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane" and so on as each guest arrived.Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe."Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department The doorman asked "How shall I announce you?"The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation""I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering.""O.K." said the professor. "Just say I came in my pants"

    One year at Hallowe'en the governor of Illinois was giving a costume party.
    All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce
    what there characters were.
    When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse."
    As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane."
    ...and so on as each guest arrived.
    Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but
    apart from that totally naked from head to toe.
    "Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that
    the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department,
    the doorman asked, "How shall I announce you?"
    The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation."
    "I'm very sorry sir" said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce
    anything like that to such a gathering."
    "O.K." said the professor. "Just say I more...

    A Cat's Guide: TRAINING YOUR HUMAN
    CHAIRS AND RUGS:
    If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good.
    DOORS:
    Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and scratch loudly. Once the door is opened, it is considered bad form to go through it.
    After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.
    GUESTS:
    Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish n' Glop" on your breath.
    For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats should go to black wool clothing.
    For the guest who claims, "I love more...

    A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge."Toilette pepper!"

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