Guest Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were.When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse".As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane" and so on as each guest arrived.Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe."Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department The doorman asked "How shall I announce you?"The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation""I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering.""O.K." said the professor. "Just say I came in my pants"

    One year at Hallowe'en the governor of Illinois was giving a costume party.
    All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce
    what there characters were.
    When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse."
    As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane."
    ...and so on as each guest arrived.
    Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but
    apart from that totally naked from head to toe.
    "Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that
    the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department,
    the doorman asked, "How shall I announce you?"
    The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation."
    "I'm very sorry sir" said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce
    anything like that to such a gathering."
    "O.K." said the professor. "Just say I more...

    A Cat's Guide: TRAINING YOUR HUMAN
    CHAIRS AND RUGS:
    If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good.
    DOORS:
    Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and scratch loudly. Once the door is opened, it is considered bad form to go through it.
    After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.
    GUESTS:
    Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish n' Glop" on your breath.
    For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats should go to black wool clothing.
    For the guest who claims, "I love more...

    A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge."Toilette pepper!"

    A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house.
    While they eat, the new friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, 'Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?'
    The kid says, 'Daddy told me you were a self-made man.'
    'I am.'
    'Well, why did you make yourself like that?'

  • Recent Activity