Northern Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to top up a camel with water."That way," he said, "You get an extra day out of them between drinks."As the camel bent down to drink, the bloke picked up two bricks and bashed them over the camel's balls. The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days' extra water."Doesn't that hurt?" asked a tourist."Nah," replied the bloke. "Only if you get your fingers caught!"

A war broke out between two neighboring countries - a small island and its northern neighbor. The southern, predominantly Chinese soldiers decided to pull a trick on its northern enemy. The southern troops called out "Eh, Mat! Mat!", and suddenly the northern troops began standing up and asking "Siapa panggil aku?" (who's calling me?). The southerners immediately opened fire, killing a great number of these mats. Furious, the remaining Mat soldiers decided to pull the same trick on their enemies... "Oi, Lee! Lee!", they shouted, and the Lee Soldiers started shouting back, "Kong simi?" (What are you talking about?). The mat soldiers immediately stood up and replied, "Aku lah!" (Me, lah!), getting their heads shot off soon after.

An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to top up a camel with water."That way," he said, "You get an extra day out of them between drinks."As the camel bent down to drink, the bloke picked up two bricks and bashed them over the camel's balls.The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days' extra water."Doesn't that hurt?" asked a tourist."Nah," replied the bloke. "Only if you get your fingers caught!"

What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo? In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.

Those who forget history-and the English language-may be
condemned to mangle both. Historian Anders Henriksson, a five
year veteran of the university classroom, has faithfully recorded
his freshman students' more striking insights into European
history. Possibly as an act of vengeance, Henriksson has
assembled these fractured fragments into a chronological narrative from the Middle Ages to the present.
During the Middle Ages, everyone was middle aged. Church and
state were co-operated. Middle Evil society was made up of monks,
lords, and surfs. After a revival of infantile commerce,
merchants appeared. Those roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organizing big fairies in the countryside. The
Crusades were expeditions by Christians who were seeking to free
the holy land (the "Home Town" of Christ) from the Islams.
In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular. A
class of ycowls arose. Finally, Europe more...

During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state were cooperatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords and surfs. It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid out on a table before us, ready for dissection.

After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeoed into Europe, merchants appeared. Some were sitters and some were drifters. They roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organized big fairies in the countryside.

Mideval people were violent. Murder during this Period was nothing. Everybody killed someone. England fought numerously for land in France and ended up wining and losing. The Crusades were a series of military expaditions made by Christians seeking to free the holy land (the "Home Town" of Christ) from the Islams.

In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular. A class of yeowls arose. Finally Europe caught the Black Death. The bubonic plague is a social disease in more...

Q: What's the difference between a Southern fairy tale and a Northern fairy tale?
A: A Southern fairy tale begins: "Once upon a time..." and a Northern fairy tale begins: "You'll never believe this bag of sh*te!"