Northern Jokes / Recent Jokes

What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
A northern fairy tale begins with, "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairy tale begins, "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this..."

What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo? A Northern zoo has the name of the animal listed on the cage. A Southern zoo has the name of the animal listed on the cage, along with the recipe.

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..."

A southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

It was your job to frisk those prisoners in Konduz for weapons.
They send you out for baba ganoush and you come back with falafel.
You've been chief spokesman for three weeks and still wear the same brown jacket you did on Day One.
They have you on tape saying, "We will never take Kabul, better to stay up here with the mules."
Only one of your seven names is Abdullah.
Only American administration official who will return your call is Colin Powell.
Pushed strongly to drop "Northern Alliance" and go with "Taliban Lite."
The day before his death, Abdul Haq motioned you to sit and you replied, "Nah, I've been sitting all day."
No matter how much you study and how many times they explain it, you still have no idea what the hell a Pashtun is.
When they said, "Take off that burqua," they didn't mean you weren't still chattel, they just wanted you to dress more like Britney Spears.
Not only more...

You know you`re from northern Vermont when:
You`ve taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard.
You only own three spices- salt, pepper and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
The local Hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
Making it home during Mud Season is a competitive sport.
You think everyone from the city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages more...

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

A gal from the South and a gal from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The gal from the South, being friendly and all, said:

''So, where ya'll from?''

The Northern gal said,' 'From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.''

The gal from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:' 'So, where ya'll from, bitch?''