The beautiful Executive Assistant to the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback.
However, she remembers what her boss told her. Don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara."
The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says "No problem! I buy. I buy."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."
The man pauses for more...
A Frenchmen is calmly having his breakfast when an American (noisily chewing gum) sits beside him.
The Frenchman ignores the American who (not happy about this) starts a conversation.
American: "Do you eat the whole bread?"
French (in a bad mood): "Of course!"
American: "We don't. We only eat what is inside and the outside we put together in a container, recycle it, transform it into croissants and sell it to France."
The French listens in silence.
The American insists: "Do you eat the bread with jam?"
French (now more annoyed): "Of course!"
American: "We don't. We eat fresh fruit for our breakfast, put all the seed and the rest in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to France."
The Frenchman then asks: "And what do you do with condoms once you used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course!"
French: "We don't. We put more...
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral.
The title to the property dated back
to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral proper back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.
"Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 more...
Here is a collection of freshman history bloopers collected by a Canadian history professor (Anders Henrickson) over the years.
World War I broke out around 1912-1914. Germany was on one side of France and Russia was on the other. At war people get killed, and then they aren't people any more, but friends. Peace was proclaimed at Versigh, which was attended by George Loid, Primal Minister of England. President Wilson arrived with 14 pointers. In 1937 Lenin revolted Russia. Communism raged among the peasants, and the civil war 'team colours' were red and white.
Germany was displaced after WWI. This gave rise to Hitler. Germany was morbidly over-excited and unbalanced. Berlin became the decadent capital, where all forms of sexual deprivations were practised. A huge anti-semantic movement arose. Attractive slogans like "death to all Jews" were used by government groups. Hitler remilitarized the Rhineland over a squirmish between Germany and France.
The appeasers more...
Here's another non-offensive ethnic joke to add to the collection. Gregory Peck told this one during a TV interview.
Seems a Jewish gentleman and two Arab businessmen found themselves seated three-abreast on an Air France flight to the United States.
The Jew, wishing to demonstrate he supported the new spirit of cooperation, mentioned to the Arabs that he was going to the washroom and could he get them something while he was up.
In keeping with the gracious tone of the gesture, the Arabs said yes, they would each like an orange juice.
Moments after the Jew had left, the plane began its descent and the pilot announced that they would soon be landing. One Arab noticed that the Jew had removed his shoes during the flight and that they were still right there on the floor. He nudged his friend and suggested that they spit in the shoes. And they did, one large goober in each shoe.
The Jew returned with the juice, which the Arabs drank down in a gulp.
The Arabs more...