Bloke Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland ‘
    The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’
    The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’
    The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin , I am.’
    The first one responds, ‘So am I!’
    ‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’
    The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’
    The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’
    The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’ The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’
    The other bloke answers, ‘Well, more...

    Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front.
    Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it.
    To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sight of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?"
    The man replied, "I bon on' olidays,"
    Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?"
    "I bin on' olidays I tell ya," was the reply.
    Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya fucken idiot - where's ya Wheelie Bin?"
    The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he more...

    The Duck

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man walks into a bar with a metal box under one arm and a duck under the other. The man walks up to the bar and asks the bar tender "if you give me a free bottle of beer I'll show you my dancing duck". The barman is surprised, but gives the guy a bud and asks the bloke to show him the duck dancing. So the guy puts the metal box on the bar, and stands the duck on top of it. A few seconds later the duck starts to jump around, as if he's doing an Irish jig.
    Everyone in the bar is now watching this duck dancing, and the barman offers the guy $50 for the duck and the box. The bloke accepts, and the pub is filled day and night for 3 days with people watching the amazing dancing duck.
    So 3 days after he sold the barman the duck, the guy walks back in to the pub and sees his duck dancing on the box on top of the bar.
    The barman sees the guy and offers him a bottle of bud on the house. As he gives the guy the bud, the barman asks, "Could you tell me how you stop more...

    Aussie And All Black

    Hot 5 years ago

    An Aussie bloke is having a quiet drink in a bar and leans over to the big guy next to him and says, 'Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke?
    The big guy replies, 'Well mate, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 1.90 m tall, 125 kg and I played as a forward for the All Blacks."
    "The guy next to me is 1.85 m, weighs 115 kg and he's an ex-All Black lock."
    "Next to him is a bloke who's 2 m tall, weighs 120 kg and he's a current All Black second rower. Now do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?"
    The first bloke says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."

    It's great to be a bloke because:
    Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
    Your orgasms are real. Always.
    Your last name stays put.
    The garage is all yours.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
    Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut.
    Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
    Wrinkles add character.
    A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
    You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
    People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
    The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
    Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
    Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice more...

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