Southern Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Tips for Moving South...Yee-Haw!
    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
    2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
    3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
    5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
    6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
    7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
    8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
    9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a more...

    Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times.
    One says to the other, "Darling, do you remember the minuet?"
    The other replies, "Sweetheart, I can't even remember the ones I screwed!"

    Rules of the South

    Hot 5 years ago

    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
    2. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Note: Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for.
    4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.
    5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular.
    6. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
    7. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
    8. People walk slower here.
    9. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
    10. The first Southern expression to more...

    Racists

    Hot 7 years ago

    What is the difference between Northern and Southern racism?
    A southern racist doesn't mind blacks living nearby, as long as they
    don't get "uppity."
    A northern racist doesn't mind blacks getting "uppity" as long as they
    don't live close.

    Touring Guide For North

    Hot 2 years ago

    Northerners visiting the South Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern States
    If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles:
    1. If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a towchain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
    2. Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
    3. Remember: “Y’all” is singular, “All y’all” is plural, and “All y’alls’” is plural possessive.
    4. Get used to hearing “You ain’t from around here, are ya? ”
    5. You may hear a Southerner say “Oughta! ” to a dog or child. This is short for “Y’all oughta not do that! ” and is the equivalent of saying “No! more...

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