I've been fucking this really sexy bird who is a twin.
My mate asked me how I told her apart from the other twin?
I said it was easy. Her brother has a beard.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the more...
While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with
Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says
it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they`re intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam.
"Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime
please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father
child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It`s me, Sir! "
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam. He hangs up
says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr.
President. Thanks a lot. I`ll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon
returning to Washington, decides he`d better put the Condoleeza more...
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson; "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
A pregnant Brooklyn woman gets in a car accident and
falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months,
when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer
pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her
baby. The doctor replies, Ma'am, you had twins! A boy
and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother from
Alabama came in and named them. The woman thinks
to herself, "Oh no, not my brother... he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's
the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name,
guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."