South Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Tips for Moving South...Yee-Haw!
    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
    2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
    3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
    5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
    6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
    7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
    8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
    9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a more...

    State Slogans

    Hot 2 years ago

    Alabama:
    At Least We're not Mississippi
    Alaska:
    11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
    Arizona:
    But It's a Dry Heat
    Arkansas:
    Litterasy Ain't Everthing
    California:
    As Seen on TV
    Colorado:
    If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
    Connecticut:
    Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
    Delaware:
    We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water
    Florida:
    Ask Us About Our Grandkids
    Georgia:
    Without Atlanta we're Alabama
    Hawaii:
    Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
    (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
    Idaho:
    More Than Just Potatoes...
    Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
    Illinois:
    Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
    Indiana:
    2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
    Iowa:
    We Do Amazing Things With Corn
    Kansas:
    First Of The Rectangle States
    Kentucky:
    Five Million People; Seven Last Names
    Louisiana:
    We're Not All Drunk Cajun more...

    Rules of the South

    Hot 10 months ago

    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
    2. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Note: Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for.
    4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.
    5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular.
    6. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
    7. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
    8. People walk slower here.
    9. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
    10. The first Southern expression to more...

    The Unhappy Sparrow

    Hot 2 years ago

    Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
    However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.
    A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
    The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.
    The moral of the story:
    1.) Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
    2.) Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.
    3.) And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.

    Staten Island contractor, Procofacio Unscrupulata, age 62, of 69 Grotto Boulevard, South Beach, died yesterday from injuries received in the collapse of a building he was inspecting prior to sale at a public auction.
    Born in Monte Marrona, Sicily, Unscrupulata was brought into this country at the age of 11 by his parents, Regurgito and Nauseatta Unscrupulata. Prior to his untimely demise, Unscrupulata was the president of the Negligenta Construction Company, which he founded with his late brother, Devio. Before his association with the Negligenta Construction Company, Unscrupulata worked for the Profuso Cesspool Cleaning and Catering Company. He is survived by his wife, Inconsolata: their sons, Retardo, Cretio and Imbecillio; daughters Ovaria, Fallopia, and Clitoria: two sisters, Mrs. Hysteria Psicosi and Mrs. Mammaria Pendulosa: a half-brother, Prolifico Fornicata and 14 grandchildren, all of the Grotto Boulevard address.
    Active for many years in community affairs, more...

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