Tips for Moving South...Yee-Haw!
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a more...
At Least We're not Mississippi
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
But It's a Dry Heat
Litterasy Ain't Everthing
As Seen on TV
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Without Atlanta we're Alabama
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
We Do Amazing Things With Corn
First Of The Rectangle States
Five Million People; Seven Last Names
We're Not All Drunk Cajun more...
In a small town in the rural south, poor, fun-loving, good-ole'-boy
Billy Bob died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad, and the morgue needed
someone to identify the body. So, his two buddies, Jimmy Lee and Donnie Ray,
went down to the morgue.
Jimmy Lee went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Jimmy Lee said "Yep, he's burnt so bad, I can't tell from the front. Roll him over."
So the mortician rolled him over. Jimmy Lee took one look at his ass and
said "Hell no, that ain't Billy Bob."
The mortician didn't say anything but thought that was kind of
strange. Then he brought in Donnie Ray to identify. the body. Donnie Ray took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, rollhim over."
The mortician rolled him over. Donnie Ray looked down at his ass and said
"No, that ain't Billy Bob."
The mortician said "How can you tell?" Donnie Ray said "Well, Billy Bob had two more...
Staten Island contractor, Procofacio Unscrupulata, age 62, of 69 Grotto Boulevard, South Beach, died yesterday from injuries received in the collapse of a building he was inspecting prior to sale at a public auction.
Born in Monte Marrona, Sicily, Unscrupulata was brought into this country at the age of 11 by his parents, Regurgito and Nauseatta Unscrupulata. Prior to his untimely demise, Unscrupulata was the president of the Negligenta Construction Company, which he founded with his late brother, Devio. Before his association with the Negligenta Construction Company, Unscrupulata worked for the Profuso Cesspool Cleaning and Catering Company. He is survived by his wife, Inconsolata: their sons, Retardo, Cretio and Imbecillio; daughters Ovaria, Fallopia, and Clitoria: two sisters, Mrs. Hysteria Psicosi and Mrs. Mammaria Pendulosa: a half-brother, Prolifico Fornicata and 14 grandchildren, all of the Grotto Boulevard address.
Active for many years in community affairs, more...
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
2. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Note: Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for.
4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.
5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular.
6. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
7. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
8. People walk slower here.
9. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
10. The first Southern expression to more...