South Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Tips for Moving South...Yee-Haw!
    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
    2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
    3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
    5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
    6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
    7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
    8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
    9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a more...

    State Slogans

    Hot 3 years ago

    Alabama:
    At Least We're not Mississippi
    Alaska:
    11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
    Arizona:
    But It's a Dry Heat
    Arkansas:
    Litterasy Ain't Everthing
    California:
    As Seen on TV
    Colorado:
    If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
    Connecticut:
    Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
    Delaware:
    We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water
    Florida:
    Ask Us About Our Grandkids
    Georgia:
    Without Atlanta we're Alabama
    Hawaii:
    Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
    (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
    Idaho:
    More Than Just Potatoes...
    Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
    Illinois:
    Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
    Indiana:
    2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
    Iowa:
    We Do Amazing Things With Corn
    Kansas:
    First Of The Rectangle States
    Kentucky:
    Five Million People; Seven Last Names
    Louisiana:
    We're Not All Drunk Cajun more...

    In a small town in the rural south, poor, fun-loving, good-ole'-boy
    Billy Bob died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad, and the morgue needed
    someone to identify the body. So, his two buddies, Jimmy Lee and Donnie Ray,
    went down to the morgue.
    Jimmy Lee went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Jimmy Lee said "Yep, he's burnt so bad, I can't tell from the front. Roll him over."
    So the mortician rolled him over. Jimmy Lee took one look at his ass and
    said "Hell no, that ain't Billy Bob."
    The mortician didn't say anything but thought that was kind of
    strange. Then he brought in Donnie Ray to identify. the body. Donnie Ray took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, rollhim over."
    The mortician rolled him over. Donnie Ray looked down at his ass and said
    "No, that ain't Billy Bob."
    The mortician said "How can you tell?" Donnie Ray said "Well, Billy Bob had two more...

    Rules of the South

    Hot 1 year ago

    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
    2. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Note: Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for.
    4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.
    5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular.
    6. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
    7. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
    8. People walk slower here.
    9. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
    10. The first Southern expression to more...

    The Unhappy Sparrow

    Hot 2 years ago

    Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
    However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.
    A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
    The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.
    The moral of the story:
    1.) Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
    2.) Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.
    3.) And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.

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