A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients` bedsides.When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...
A young man very much in love wanted to buy a Birthday present for his sweetheart. After much consideration he decided on a pair of gloves and on the following day accompanied by his sister, he went to the Chinese gift shop where he ordered a pair of gloves and his sister bought a pair of panties for herself.
At the parcel counter the two parcels got intermixed. Unaware of this change the young man sent the wrong parcel to his sweetheart accompanied by the following letter.
My dearest darling,
This little present from me brings you my best wishes on your birthday. You may wonder why I chose this particular gift. You see darling, I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evening. I picked out a pair that was short and tight fitting because the sales girl told me this style was the current fashion.
I hope the light pink color will appeal to you as it suits your complexion. This pair is said to be very durable when the sales girl more...
"I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you - it's against my morals to attack an unarmed person".
"Yeah, I'd love to f! ck your brains out, but apparently someone BEAT ME TO IT!"
"Are your parents cousins?"
"I know cement that gets hard faster than you."
"Your teeth are so yellow; I can't believe it's not butter."
"Sex with you is like using drugs. Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit it."
"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."
Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed more...
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a more...