Hope Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients` bedsides.When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."

    What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

    Insults

    Hot 1 year ago

    "I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you - it's against my morals to attack an unarmed person".
    "Yeah, I'd love to f! ck your brains out, but apparently someone BEAT ME TO IT!"
    "Are your parents cousins?"
    "I know cement that gets hard faster than you."
    "Your teeth are so yellow; I can't believe it's not butter."
    "Sex with you is like using drugs. Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit it."
    "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."
    Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
    "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
    "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
    "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed more...

    Electric Train

    Hot 1 year ago

    A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
    The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
    Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a more...

    Entry 1
    Dear Diary,
    I'm so excited! Just got a job as an intern at the White House... and I don't know a thing about medicine. Don't even know what my duties are yet, but I hope it's a "hands on" position. Entry 2
    Dear Diary,
    You won't believe this! I snuck into the Oval Office when no one was looking. But then I dropped one of my contacts. So, I got down on my hands and knees and was looking for it when-guess what-the president walked in. He said, "You must be the new intern." That man is psychic! I hope he likes me. Entry 3
    Dear Diary,
    I think the president likes me. Today he dropped his contacts on the rug and asked me to find them. Entry 4
    Dear Diary,
    He really likes me. Entry 5
    Dear Diary,
    I have been sent to the stupid Pentagon to work. It is such a drag. Like they're going to put me in charge of heat-seeking missiles or something. But I still talk to my Bubba-cakes on the phone. He calls me "1-900 Monica." more...

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