Pickup Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Comfortable

    Hot 2 years ago

    Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, more...

    When things go wrong,
    When sadness fill your heart,
    When tears flow in your eyes,
    Just let me know,
    Cause I want to be there for you,
    I am selling tissues,buy one get one free

    A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into alumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office andsaid, "We need some four-by-twos."The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meanttwo-by-fours.""All right. How long do you need them?"The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better gocheck."After a while, the customer returned to the office and said,"A long time. We're gonna build a house."

    Criminal Hall of Shame

    Hot 6 years ago

    Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people-many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also breaking the law. To these brave men and women-ooops, "women and men"-we
    present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame."
    Following are their accounts...
    Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
    South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the more...

    Virginia: Refridgerator

    Hot 7 years ago

    Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator.
    Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup.
    The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy.
    Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator *back* into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck - so they abandoned it.

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