Massachusetts Jokes / Recent Jokes
Here are some lessons leaned from the experiences of a number of would-be bank robbers.
Go Easy On The Disguise:
One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be positively identified by lip-print.
Take Right Turns Only:
Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security police money.
Be Aware Of The Time:
Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 pm, then tried to escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived.
Consider Another Line Of Work:
Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly.
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During which time he will also be unable to drive in Boston.
Ted Williams' remains were apparently mistreated by a company that was supposed to freeze and preserve the former Red Sox slugger. This is in direct defiance of the Hall of Famer's instructions: "Cut off my head, put it in the freezer, and then continue to treat it with the utmost of respect!"
The campaigns of Scott Brown and Martha Coakley exchanged angry jibes Monday as emotions in the crucial Massachusetts Senate contest seemed to reach the boiling point in its final day of campaigning. What's going on here? You would think they were fighting over a late-night talk show.
They're consulting with John Kerry to see how his works.
Winner Republican Scott Brown has taken Kennedy's seat in the Senate. The distraught loser Martha Coakley was seen occupying Kennedy's seat at the bar.
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.It's illegal to take a lion to the movies. Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits. It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color. No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car. Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes. Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
It is illegal to frighten a pigeon. Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden. There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the more...