Package Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    First Time

    Hot 1 year ago

    I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.
    I honestly answered, "No."
    So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb, She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.
    "Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
    Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked.
    Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk.
    "Well, come on", she more...

    Kids and condoms

    Hot 6 years ago

    A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son.
    They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?". To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
    "Oh I see.", replied the boy, pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and ask, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
    The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
    "Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks "Then who are these for?"
    "Those are for college men", the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday."
    "WOW!" exclaimed the boy;" Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
    With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for more...

    The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:
    I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
    I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
    A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
    I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from more...

    On a man's 33rd birthday he gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it.
    At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today."
    "Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?", asks the Post Office worker.
    "33.", says the man.
    "Well, have a good day.", says the worker.
    "Thank you.", replied the man.
    To get home, the man has to take the bus. At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives.
    The man says to the old lady,
    "It's my birthday today."
    "Oh, happy birthday.", says the old lady.
    "I'm..."
    "No don't tell me.", interjects the old lady, "I know a unique way of telling how old somebody is."
    "Oh yeah? What's that then?", asks the man.
    "If I can feel your balls for about 5 minutes, I can tell exactly how many years old you are.", says the old more...

    A blonde enters a pharmacy and tells the clerk she'd like to buy some 'bottom deodorant'.
    "I'm sorry ma'am," the puzzled clerk says, "but we don't sell that here."
    "Of course you do," she says. "I just bought some here last week."
    "If you still have the package, bring it in and I'll see if we have any," replies the clerk.
    That afternoon the blonde returns with the package.
    After looking it over, the clerk says, "Ma'am, this is just regular deodorant."
    "Look here!" the blonde says, "It's written right on the package... 'to use: push up bottom'!"

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