Boston Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Baseball

    Hot 6 years ago

    Two boys were playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping the attach.
    A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..." he starts writing in his notebook. "But, I'm not a Bruins Fan", the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were", said the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack..." he continues to write in his notebook. "I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said. "I assumed everyone in Boston was either a Bruins or Red Sox fan. So, what team do you root for? the reporter asked. "I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in more...

    One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York
    One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
    One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on
    accelerator: Boston
    One hand on wheel, one hand cradling cell phone in lap, brick on
    accelerator: California*
    * with gun also in lap: L.A.
    Both hands on top of wheel, one foot on brake, watching pedestrians
    cross against the light: San Francisco
    One hand on the wheel, one hand drumming (with drum stick) on the
    dash board, Lap top on top of the Dashboard, left foot tapping, right
    foot on the accelerator, head bobbing from side to side: Silicon
    Valley, listening to KEZR
    Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in
    terror: Ohio, but driving in Boston.
    Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned
    to talk to someone in back seat: Italy
    Both hands praying to Gates, knee on wheel, cradling cell phone in
    lap, foot on brake, mind more...

    Interesting Facts

    Hot 4 years ago

    *The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
    * The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
    * Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
    * Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
    * David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
    * Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
    * In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
    * Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
    * February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not more...

    A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to. So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?"
    "No." said the boy.
    "Why not?" said the judge.
    "Because she beats me."
    The judge says "Okay, then you'll go live with your father."
    "Oh No," cried the boy, "He beats me too."
    Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay who do you want to live with?"
    "I want to live with the Boston Red Sox."
    "Why?" asks the judge.
    "They don't beat anybody."

    A fellow from Boston was in Atlanta GA visiting family. One day he decided to take a walk around the area where his relatives lived to enjoy their fine, comfortable Southern way of life - something he was not accustomed to in the northeast.
    While he was walking he happened upon a pit bull attacking a small child. His instincts took over, and he ran to the child's aid by grabbing the dog, and choking it to death.
    As the dead animal lay at his feet, a man came running over from the other side of the street. He announced that he was the star reporter for Atlanta newspaper, and he would make the rescuer famous: "ATLANTA MAN SAVES CHILD FROM GRUESOME DEATH," to headline on page 1.
    The would-be savior explained that it was very nice, but he was from Boston, not Atlanta. The next day he read the headline: "YANKEE BASTARD KILLS FAMILY PET."

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