Gentleman Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two people are discussing whether the state of Hawaii is pronounced 'Havaii' or 'Hawaii'. So they stood there arguing and arguing, until they decided to ask a person that was walking by. They asked the gentleman: "Excuse me sir, is Hawaii pronounced 'Havaii' or 'Hawaii'?"
The gentleman said, "Havaii."
So they looked at each other, and as the gentleman was leaving, one of the two said to him, "Thank you."
The gentleman replied, "You're velcome!"

Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman who was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home. At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair. Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up. A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right. Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side. Then he starting leaning forward. This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair. About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?" "It's okay," he said. "But, they won't let me fart!"

One fine day, a young gentleman decided to sleep nude in a
public park. He gently undressed himself and relaxed his tender
body on the park bench.
Little Cindy walked by and was awfully attracted to this "thing"
one may call it.
Little Cindy, being so young and curious, asked the nude
gentleman, "Hey Mr. Can I play with your birdy?"
The gentleman gave her a look and said, " Get-lost kid!" and
relaxed back on the bench.
Couple of hours passed by...... and the gentleman woke up.....
All of a sudden, he sees all these doctors around him and he was
wheeled to the ER.
When he looked down, everything was red.
With confusion, the gentleman questioned the doctor.
The doctor said, "Our little Cindy will explain you everything."
Cindy walked into the room, and smiled.
Gentleman:..... What did you do?
Cindy:......... I was playing with the birdy and the birdy spit
on more...

An elderly gentleman visited his doctor with the complaint that he believed he was becoming impotent.
"When did you first become aware of this problem?" the doctor asked.
The old gentleman replied, "Yesterday afternoon, twice last night and again this morning."

Social SecurityA retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver`s license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

An elderly gentleman married a girl in her early twenties. The wedding went fine and they left on their honeymoon.

The elderly gentleman didn't get right with the program, as he was in a bad mood that night. The young wife felt that he was probably tired and let him sleep for a while.

A couple of hours later being excited for having sex, she decided that this had gone on long enough, but wanted not to appear over anxious and let him be the one in charge. She woke the old fellow up.

"What is the matter", he asked. She replied "This side of the bed is too hard, I want to lay on your side." He got up and walked around the bed, got in on her side and went to sleep.

A few minutes later she was starting to really want to consummate things. She awoke him again. "What now?" He asked. She said, "You know I think I was wrong, maybe that side is more comfortable let me lie on that side." Again he got up walked more...

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.