If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down
A man was driving through Oklahoma when he was pulled over by one of the local officers.
He man asked, "What did you stop me for?"
The officer replied, "You failed to stop at the stop sign."
The man answered, "I slowed down, didn't I?"
"Yes," the officer admitted.
"Well, slow down, stop, same thing." the man rebutted.
At that point the officer pulled his night stick out and started hitting the man over the head. "Now, tell me, do you want me to stop or slow down?"
Kowalski worked for the Department of Transportation. One day he woke up ill, with a touch of laryngitis-but-being a dedicated employee he went to work. The boss felt rather sorry for him and didn't want him to do any physical labour-as they were repairing a part of the freeway.
"Kowalski" he says "why don't you go down the road and tell people to slow down going through the construction"
Kowalski is glad for the easy day: He stops the first vehicle:
"Sir" he whispers, his throat feeling worse "please slow down, there's a Government crew up ahead"
"Okay" the guy whispers back "I'll try not to wake them"
Two nuns were asked by the Mother Superior to decorate the inside of the monastery, but under no cicumstances were they to get even one drop of paint on their habits. After an hour of really slow going, one nun says "This is far too slow. Why don't we take off our clothes, finish decorating, then re-dress again? No-one will know..." And that's exactly what they did.
But before long there came a knock at the front door so, quite startled, the first nun calls "Who is it?"
"I'm the blind man" came the reply. So the nuns relax and the first goes off and opens the door.
"Wow, great body lady! Now where do you want these blinds...?"
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But as time went by, the traffic slowly built up to an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later, the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called every day for more...