Engineer Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    If it Ain't Broke...

    Hot 9 months ago

    Normal people believe that "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers believe that "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

    One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down.

    The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

    The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."

    The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."

    All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

    The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

    Car break trouble

    Hot 5 years ago

    Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.""No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, more...

    During the French revolution, hundreds of people were guillotined. One
    day, three men were led up to die. One was a lawyer, one was a doctor,
    and the third was an engineer.
    The lawyer was to die first. He was led to the guillotine, the attending priest blessed him, and he knelt with his head on the guillotine. The blade was released, but stopped halfway down its path. The priest, seeing an opportunity, quickly said, "Gentlemen, God has spoken and said this man is to be spared; we cannot kill him." The executioner agreed, and the lawyer was set free.
    The doctor was next. He was blessed by the priest, then knelt and placed his head down. The blade was released, and again stopped halfway down. Again the priest intervened: "Gentlemen, God has again spoken; we cannot kill this man." The executioner agreed and the doctor was set free.
    At last it was the engineer's turn. He was blessed by the priest, and
    knelt, but before he placed his head on the more...

    A Group of Managers...

    Hot 6 years ago

    A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. They got their ladders and tape measures and went out to the flagpole. However, the measurement job turned out to be much more difficult than any of them had expected, with some of them falling off the ladders, some dropping their tape measures and so on, and the whole thing had just turned into a big disaster.
    After a while, an engineer happened to walk by and saw what the managers were attempting to do. She walked over, pulled the flagpole out of the ground, and laid it flat on the ground. She measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and then walked away without saying a word.
    After the engineer was out of sight, one manager turned to another and laughed as he shook his head. "Now that's just like an engineer! We're looking for the height and she gives us the length!"

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