Pastor Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Wedding Vows

    Hot 5 months ago

    During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.
    "I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows," the groom said. "When you get to me and the part where it asks if I promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
    The day of the wedding arrived, and they reached the part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked him in the eye and said:
    "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every wish and command, serve her breakfast in bed each and every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
    The groom gulped, looked around, and replied in a meek voice, more...

    Church rules...

    Hot 4 months ago

    Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

    The pastor said,' We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.'

    The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

    The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked,' Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?' The old man replied,' No problem at all, Pastor.'

    'Congratulations! Welcome to the church!' said the pastor.

    The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?' The man replied,' The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.'

    'Congratulations! Welcome to the church!' said the pastor.

    The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two more...

    Gravy Ladle

    Hot 4 months ago

    In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is
    reserved for the pastor and his housekeeper.
    One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the
    rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the
    housekeeper was and he wondered...
    After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that
    everything was purely professional and that she was the housekeeper and cook and
    that was that.
    About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, "Father, ever
    since the new assistant came for dinner, I have not been able to find the
    beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?"
    The pastor said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he wrote,
    "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not
    saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact more...

    Politcal Mule

    Hot 3 months ago

    A Pastor went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the pastor to the health department.

    They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.

    Now the pastor knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the pastor called him anyway.

    The mayor did not disappoint him. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me any way? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

    The pastor paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. Then, he replied "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"


    Hot 2 years ago

    Granny was in her eighties and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring and she welcomed him into her parlor. He took a seat while she prepared some tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
    Imagine his shock and surprise! And curiosity! Surely, Miss Granny had flipped!! But he felt he couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor.
    When she returned with the tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the floating item, but soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer.

    "Miss Granny," he said while pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?"
    "Oh, yes", she replied, "Isn't it wonderful! I was walking down town last fall and I more...

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