Elderly Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An elderly lady was rocking on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when a Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared before her and offered to grant her three wishes.
    "Well," said the woman, "I really would like to be rich."
    *POOF* Her rocking chair turned to solid gold.
    "I sure wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess," she said.
    *POOF* She was immediately turned into a beautiful young princess with a stunning crown of jewels.
    "Your third wish?" asked the Fairy Godmother, just as the old woman's cat wandered across the porch in front of them. "Ohh," the woman exclaimed, "Could you possibly turn my cat into a handsome young prince?"
    *POOF* Standing before her was a young man far more handsome than anyone could ever imagine.
    She stared at him in awe, totally smitten. As he moved towards her, she could feel her knees weaken. He bent down, lightly brushed his lips across her ear and whispered, more...

    An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

    Church rules...

    Hot 1 year ago

    Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

    The pastor said,' We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.'

    The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

    The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked,' Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?' The old man replied,' No problem at all, Pastor.'

    'Congratulations! Welcome to the church!' said the pastor.

    The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?' The man replied,' The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.'

    'Congratulations! Welcome to the church!' said the pastor.

    The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked,' Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two more...

    This is the story of two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community
    supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will
    you marry me?" After about six seconds of' careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes, Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more
    pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. Did she say' yes' or did she say' no'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not
    even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he
    gained a more...

    Single Guy

    Hot 2 years ago

    Shirley and Sophie are elderly widows. One day they see a new, nice looking guy come into the indoor swimming pool of a building with them.
    Sophie says, "Shirley you know I'm shy. Can you go over to the other side of the pool and try to get to know about that guy."
    Shirley goes over to the other side and asks the guy "Are you single?"
    "Yes, but I been in prison."
    "Why?"
    "I strangled my third wife."
    "What about your second wife?"
    "I got in a fight with her and she fell out the window."
    "And your first wife?"
    "I shot her."
    Then Shirley calls to the other side to Sophie and says "Yoo hoo, he's single!"

  • Recent Activity